The oceans are rising! Forests are burning! Terrorists on the loose! Donald Trump is running amok!
This is a job for.... Carl Estrada!
 
 Sections
 

Home

New Letters

Carl 2018
Carl 2017
MR. TRUMP
Hillary
Carl 2016
Brad Cahoon
Letters 2009
Letters: 2007 & 2008
YouTube
Carl's Point 2007
Carl's Point
Brad's Letters
2006 Letters
Buddies of Bob
Letters to bush 2005
open
Dear Mr. President
open
The Current Administration
open
Politicians and Presidential Wannabes
open
The Liberal Media
open
Religious Superstars
open
Celebrities
Corporations and CEOs
World Leaders
Paul's Page
 

Replies
The Complete Carl List

Links

* DemocracyMeansYou.com
* Paul Chasman Guitar Music
* Email Paul Chasman
* Order The Book of Bob Online
* My Page on the Book Marketeer
* Blue Funk Productions

* My YouTube Debut!
* Another YouTube Video!

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Mr. Matthew George “Matt” Whitaker

Acting Attorney General

U.S. Department of Justice

950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW

Washington, DC 20530-0001

 

Dear Acting Attorney General Whitaker,

I want to be the first to congratulate you on keeping your job as Acting Attorney General for three whole weeks!  You’ve lasted even longer than Anthony Scaramucci!  I have a question:

We’re counting down to the end of the year and I need to invest the $152 dollars I got from my TRUMP tax cut.

I was thinking about investing in TRUMP University, but guess what?  It went out of business because of the bazillion lawsuits.  Also the charges of fraud and racketeering.  Here’s what soon-to-be-president Donald TRUMP said about his University:

"I can turn anyone into a successful real estate investor, including you."

Here’s what New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman called soon-to-be-president Donald TRUMP:

“…a political hack looking for publicity.”

This is outrageous!  You’ve been Acting Attorney General for three weeks and it’s high time you started acting like an Acting Attorney General!  There’s only one thing to do:  

Throw the book at Schneiderman!  Also, while you’re at it, prosecute those enemies of the state who sued TRUMP University! 

I know, I know. You’re saying, “But Carl, they haven’t broken any laws!”

And I say to you, Mr. Acting Attorney General, with all due respect:  Everybody is guilty of something!

Start by checking their birth certificates.

Where was I?  Oh yeah—stock investments.  What do you think of investing my $152 tax cut in World Patent Marketing?  You sat on their advisory board so they must be a blue chip stock!  And I know you think the world of World Patent Marketing because you stood by them when the going got tough.  Here’s what you said to a guy who was threatening to sue:

“There could be serious civil and criminal consequences for you.”

POP QUIZ:

Match the following business entities with their correct description:

1) TRUMP University

2) World Patent Marketing

3) Masculine Toilet

 

a) Settled class action lawsuit for 25 million dollars

b) Fined 26 million dollars and shut down by FTC

c) Created a specially designed toilet bowl to help “well endowed men”

Hint: c) was marketed by b)

 

Answers:  1a, 2b, 3c

Maybe I should invest my $152 in Masculine Toilet.  Lord knows, since I was 10 years old I’ve had problems avoiding “unwanted contact with porcelain or water.”  

I look at those designs for the Masculine Toilet and I wonder:  Why didn’t I think of that?  I guess that’s why I’m just a neighborhood grocer collecting my $152 tax break while some people are getting their cut of a 26 million dollar lawsuit against World Patent Marketing!

I have another question:  Did you sell President TRUMP a Masculine Toilet?  We all know he doesn’t need it, but I’m sure he’d want one!  You could sell him a custom gold plated Masculine Toilet.  Just think how impressed Hannity will be!

POP QUIZ #2:

Match the following:

1) Founder of “By the Yard Concrete” which was sued for unpaid invoices

2) U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of Iowa who was found by a judge to “misuse” his authority by giving a non-violent drug offender the choice between 21-27 years or life in prison; her sentence was commuted by President Obama after 11 years.

3) Ran for Senate in 2014; came in 4th in the Republican primary with 7.5% of the votes

4) Defaulted on a $700,000 loan after contractors weren’t paid and lenders began foreclosure proceedings

5) Earned 1.2 million dollars as executive director and only full-time employee of Foundation for Accountability and Civic Trust (FACT) which was funded entirely by Republican “dark money”

6) Stated that judges should have “a biblical view of justice”

7) Stated that "the left is trying to sow this theory that essentially Russians interfered with the U.S. election, which has been proven false.”

8) Published an op-ed titled, “Mueller’s Investigation of Trump is Going Too Far”

9) Called the Mueller appointment “ridiculous”

10) Called the Mueller investigation a “lynch mob”

 

a) Matt Whitaker

b) Matt Whitaker

c) Matt Whitaker

d) Matt Whitaker

e) Matt Whitaker

f) Matt Whitaker

g) Matt Whitaker

h) Matt Whitaker

i) Matt Whitaker

j) Matt Whitaker

 

Answers:  1d, 2h, 3b, 4f, 5a, 6c, 7l, 8h, 9e, 10j

POP QUIZ #3:

Which statement is closest to the truth?:

1) I have an “easy chemistry” with President TRUMP.

2) I’ve talked to him more times today than Melania has talked to him in the last year.

3) Never heard of the guy.

Here are some clues to your answer:

Clue #1: On October 11, President TRUMP said this:  "I can tell you, Matt Whitaker's a great guy.  I mean, I know Matt Whitaker."

Clue #2: On November 9, President TRUMP said this:  “I don’t know Matt Whitaker.”

Clue #3: Then, on November 9, President TRUMP said this: “I don’t know Matt Whitaker.”

Clue #4: Then, on November 9, President TRUMP said this:  “I don’t know Matt Whitaker.”

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Manafort’s Lawyer Briefed Trump Team on Mueller Talks!

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Roger Stone Talked With Julian Assange Multiple Times!

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Jerome Corsi Refuses Plea Deal; Denies Being Middle Man Between Roger Stone and Julian Assange!

RED ALERT! MAYDAY! ALL HANDS ON DECK!  There’s only one thing to do and you know what it is!  Act now, Mr. Acting Attorney General!

No, no, no!  Not that!  Don’t fire Mueller!  Are you kidding?  That guy’s got enough brains to touch bottom in your Masculine Toilet!  And remember what Comey said about you:

“He may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

No, no, don’t mess with Mueller.  That guy has your king surrounded with knights, bishops, castles, and the queen, while you’re trying to figure out how to keep your last two checkers from being double jumped. 

When Mueller plays scrabble, he makes a 7-letter word using a Q and a Z on a triple word score while you’re trying to break even at tic-tac-toe!

No, there’s only one thing to do and I guess I’ll have to spell it out for you: Prosecute Hillary!  It’s so obvious!  The President knows it!  McConnell knows it!  Now you know it too.  Frog march Hillary off to jail and you’ll have your base distracted faster than you can say, “LOCK HER UP!”

Sincerely,

Carl Estrada

P.S. Do you think I should invest in a Sasquatch doll?  That was another invention World Patent Marketing promoted with a video that stated, “DNA evidence from 2013 proves that Bigfoot does exist.”  

P.P.S.  I bet that Sasquatch doll could use a Masculine Toilet!

P.P.P.S.  Please send a photo.  Autographed.  Make it out to my grandson, Lester.  You’re his favorite Attorney General.  He likes you even better than John Mitchell!

 

 
 
 
 
 


Home * New Letters * Carl 2018 * Carl 2017 * MR. TRUMP * Hillary * Carl 2016 * Brad Cahoon * Letters 2009 * Letters: 2007 & 2008 * YouTube * Carl's Point 2007 * Carl's Point * Brad's Letters * 2006 Letters * Buddies of Bob * Letters to bush 2005 * Dear Mr. President * The Current Administration * Politicians and Presidential Wannabes * The Liberal Media * Religious Superstars * Celebrities * Corporations and CEOs * World Leaders * Paul's Page * Replies

The Carl Letters Email Us

If you are experiencing difficulties using this site, please email us