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Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Harpo Productions
P.O. Box 909715
Chicago, IL
60607

Dear Oprah,

I heard you had Arnold Schwarzenegger on your show. Sorry I missed it.

Did you read that interview he did in Oui magazine? Probably not--I know you’re busy reading books for your book club. I’m embarrassed to repeat what he said he did, except it involved a “black girl” and a whole bunch of muscle men. He didn’t try anything with you, did he?

I think he’s grown up a lot since then, don’t you? Just last summer he said he was shocked when a blonde with great body parts was smart too, but he thinks brains are a good thing for women to have (the great body parts he mentioned started with a “t” and an “a”). He also said that he can “look at a chick who is a little out of shape” and still want to do a word to her I can’t mention but it starts with an “f,” even if she’s 150 pounds, as long as she’s good at it, so I guess that shows he’s pretty open-minded.

I think you’re so free-thinking to have Arnold Schwartzenegger on your show so women can see he’s not as bad as Mike Tyson and so he can become governor of California. He could probably afford to buy an hour of TV time, but to be on with you is so much better. I have an idea for your next book club: Recommend that everybody read the August 1977 issue of Oui magazine. If you tell them to, they will!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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