President Donald J. TRUMP
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear President TRUMP,
NOW it all makes sense!
I’ve been having such a hard time figuring out why this Mueller investigation keeps dragging on and on, even after you told us there was “NO COLLUSION!”
I’ve been trying to understand why Crooked Hillary hasn’t been locked up yet, even after Pizzagate proved that she was head of a pedophilia ring.
I’ve been wondering what your hidden message was when you told us we were in “the calm before the storm.”
Well, I’ve been following the “breadcrumbs” and now I get it! And no, when I say “breadcrumbs,” I don’t mean the $1.75 I got for my tax return this year, while Warren Buffet got 2 bazillion for his.
No, what I mean when I say “breadcrumbs” are the clues that, thanks to my sources on the internet, make it clear as an August day in Beijing! My main internet source can be summed up in 17 letters and here they are:
I know, I know. You’re saying, “But Carl, Q Anon is only five letters.”
And I say to you, sir, with all due respect, you just aren’t thinking outside the foil hat!
But then I think: You’re way ahead of me! Of course you understand the mysteries of Q Anon! You just can’t reveal them yet! So just between you and me, here’s the reason the letters in Q Anon add up to 17:
What number letter is Q in the alphabet? That’s a no brainer—it’s #17. Now here’s the genius part! Look at the alphabet placement of the letters in Anon:
You see? It’s so obvious! Buried in the word “Anon” is the word “no.” If you eliminate the word “no” from “Anon” you get “A” and “n” which add up to 16. BUT, if you count the A as two letters because it’s a capital, what does that give you? 17!
This stuff is so confidential! It’s more TOP SECRET than your Helsinki meeting with Putin! It wouldn’t be safe for you to agree with me in plain sight. Tell you what—next time you’re at a rally, give me a sign. Just yell “NO COLLUSION!” and I’ll know I’m on the right track.
Back to 17: The reason my internet sources tell me the number 17 is so important is because the leader of Q Anon is Q, which as I said, is the 17th letter in the alphabet. Also because of all the times you’ve mentioned the number 17. Like when you tweeted this:
“Bob Mueller is totally conflicted, and his 17 Angry Democrats that are doing his dirty work are a disgrace to USA!”
Or when you told Rush Limbaugh you had been to Washington DC 17 times before the election.
Or when University of Alabama won the football championship in, get this—2017!!! And when you did a photo op with the team, you held up a U of A jersey that had the number, get this—17!!!—on it!
Makes you think…
Anyway, my internet sources explain that Robert Mueller is actually WORKING WITH YOU to bring down Obama and Hillary who were in cahoots with Putin.
To throw the election… For you…
Either that, or they’re part of a pedophile ring…
Run by Tom Hanks….
Here’s what proves it: Remember the tweet where you said:
“We already have a smocking gun about a campaign getting dirt on their opponent, it was Hillary Clinton.” (Bold letters mine.)
And remember the tweet where you said:
“Looking back on history, who was treated worse, Alfonse Capone, legendary mob boss, killer and ‘Public Enemy Number One,’ or Paul Manafort, political operative & Reagan/Dole darling, now serving solitary confinement - although convicted of nothing?” (Bold letters mine.)
Well, here’s what my internet sources say about that:
“Trump's latest tweets contained 2 misspellings. He added a C to smoking in the first. And changed what should be ph in Alphonse to F in the second. That means what? CF = Clinton Foundation.”
BINGO! It’s all coming together now! Once again, I know you can’t comment on it in plain sight, so next time you’re at a rally, give me another sign. Just yell, “LOCK HER UP!” and I’ll know I’m on the right track.
I know, I know. You’re saying, “But Carl, that would be too obvious.”
Ok, I’ll tell you what. After you yell, “LOCK HER UP!” and the crowd starts chanting it, grab the podium with both hands, shift your shoulders like you’re basking in the sunshine of their adulation, and do your Mussolini smile. Then I’ll know.
Also, here’s another “breadcrumb” I’ve unearthed all by myself: How many letters in Clinton Foundation?
Hint: It’s the same number as that Paul McCartney song: “She was just 17…”
And the next line goes: “You know what I mean.” Now THAT’S heavy! I can’t wait to post my “breadcrumb” on the Q Anon site!
By the way, Paul is dead. Everybody knows he died in 1969 when he was crossing Abby Road barefoot and he was run over by a neo-nazi waving a Confederate flag. Little known fact: The “neo-nazi” was actually Hillary Clinton disguised as David Duke.
Here’s another “breadcrumb” that proves Q Anon is for real: Roseanne Barr! Here’s what she tweeted:
“we r the army of truth-wwg1wga”
wwg1wga is the Q Anon slogan that stands for “where we go one, we go all.” You should buy the copyright to wwg1wga! Print it up on a bazillion foil hats made in China! You’ll sell even more than those MAGA hats!
Here’s another “breadcrumb”: Roseanne tweeted: “we r the army of truth”. Guess how many letters there are in THAT?
This is getting weirder by the minute!
Here’s still more evidence that proves everything Q Anon says is true: A CNN reporter, Gary Tuchman (FAKE NEWS!!!) was interviewing one of your supporters at a rally, and here’s what he said about Q Anon:
True Believer: “It’s a movement, man, it’s the shift. I can feel it coming. Some call it the great awakening.”
Tuchman: “How do you know that?”
True Believer: “Well, I’m just telling you, this is what is appears to be.”
Tuchman: “So you don’t have any proof of that?”
True Believer: “And you don’t have any proof it isn’t.”
There you have it! Obama is a Kenyan Muslim, the moon landing was a fake, the Holocaust didn’t happen, global warming is a Chinese hoax, and the government secretly burned Sasquatch corpses after the Mount St. Helens eruption in 1980.
Also, down is up, black is white, inside is out. And if you don’t think these things are true, go ahead and prove they’re not!
I know you believe every word I’ve said here is true. But just to be sure, can you give me a sign? Next time you’re at a rally, yell that the media are “the enemy of the people!”
I know, I know. You’re saying, “But Carl, that’s too obvious. Everybody will know I’m speaking to you in code.”
Ok, fair enough. But just keep yelling until the mob turns on the journalists in their pen and lynches somebody.
Then I’ll know for sure.
P.S. BREAKING NEWS!!!
Melania Trump Contradicts Her Husband on LeBron James!!!
"It looks like LeBron James is working to do good things on behalf of our next generation and just as she always has, the First Lady encourages everyone to have an open dialogue about issues facing children today," Stephanie Grisham said in a statement to CNN. "As you know, Mrs. Trump has traveled the country and world talking to children about their well-being, healthy living, and the importance of responsible online behavior with her Be Best initiative."
Melania has no right to defend Lebron just because you tweeted this:
“Lebron James was just interviewed by the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon. He made Lebron look smart, which isn’t easy to do.”
After LeBron said this:
"Sports has never been something that divides people. It's always been something that brings someone together."
"Going to the White House was a great honor until you showed up!"
Oh, this is bad! First Ivanka crosses you on immigration when she says:
"That was a low point for me as well. I feel very strongly about that. And I am very vehemently against family separation and the separation of parents and children."
And now this! Sir, your own wife and daughter are spreading the rumor that you are a fat, repulsive, ugly impersonation of a human being with a slimy ball of raw sewage where your heart should be. You have to stop them before Q Anon gets ahold of this information! It’ll be all over the internet before you can say: FAKE NEWS!