President Donald J. TRUMP
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear President TRUMP,
Some people have a lot of nerve!
Did you hear the question that reporter April Ryan asked Sarah Huckleberry at the news conference the other day? Here’s what April Ryan asked:
“With all of this turmoil, particularly this last week, has the president at any time thought about stepping down, before or now?”
Sarah Huckleberry swatted it away like she was taking batting practice:
“No, and I think that’s an absolutely ridiculous question.”
Sarah Huckleberry is such a pro! Did you know I talked to her the other day? It’s true! I was having some issues with my cable TV. No matter what station I turned to, you were there! Fox, CNN, MSNBC—no matter where I switched to, there you were! I even tried Nickelodeon and Turner Classics! Every station was TRUMP TV, all day, every day!
So I called my cable station and guess who answered? Sarah Huckleberry! Here’s what she said:
“For English, press 1 now. For Spanish, press 2 now.”
I pressed 1, and there was Sarah Huckleberry again:
“For internet questions, press 1 now. For phone questions, press 2 now. For cable TV questions, press 3 now.”
I hope you’re paying Sarah Huckleberry a decent wage. I’d sure hate to see her like those poor teachers who have to get a second job working as a phone operator!
Does Sarah Huckleberry have to bring her own pen and paper to work?
Anyway, this brings me to another question, and here it is:
With all of this turmoil, particularly this last week, have you at any time thought about stepping down, before or now?
I think maybe you should, and here’s why: Remember when you said we were going to win so much we’d get “bored with winning”? Well, I’m getting bored. Maybe we should let that loser Pence be president so the news won’t be so boring.
Who needs this gig? It’s such a headache! Go back to what you do best which is hooking up with porn stars and putting your name on buildings. Go back to hanging out with your TV and radio pals like Howard Stern and Alex Jones and David Letterman.
Speaking of David Letterman, have you heard he’s got a new show? It’s true! It’s an hour long interview show, only now he looks like one of your buddies from Duck Dynasty.
You should go on Letterman’s show sometime. I mean, who would you rather be interviewed by: David Letterman or Robert Mueller? You could even read the Top Ten list!
Top Ten Reasons President TRUMP should resign:
10. Vlad said he’d let me build a tower in Moscow.
9. This White House is a “real dump.” Melania’s bedroom is always freezing.
8. Now that Paul Ryan is leaving, it’s just not fun anymore.
7. I Made America Great Again! Time to spend more time with the family.
6. This is like a Dostoevsky novel. It’s too hard to remember all those Russian names!
5. I’m trying to break Nixon’s all-time Fastest Resignation record.
4. Bob Mueller is “so unfair!”
3. Pruitt promised he’d take me on a drive through coal country with his lights flashing and sirens blasting.
2. Eric keeps pestering me for a cabinet position, and with all the turnovers I’ve had, I’m running out of excuses.
And the Number One reason President TRUMP should resign:
So many porn stars, so little time!
P.S. Could you wait till May before you resign? I have a bet with my wife, Viola. She said all along that you’d be out by April 2018. I say you’ll last at least until May. Please help me win this bet! If I do, Viola will have to watch Sean Hannity for a month.
P.P.S. If Viola wins, I’ll have to wear a pussy hat for a month. Hold on till May!