Congressman “Inspector” Devin Nunes
Longworth House Office Building, Suite 1013
Washington, DC 20515
Dear Inspector Nunes,
Did you notice I called you “Inspector” Nunes? Here’s why:
Remember when you may or may not have proved that the Obama Justice Department may or may not have bugged foreign figures and in the process may or may not have picked up conversations with President-elect TRUMP?
Remember when you received classified information about this from an “unidentified source,” and you went rogue and announced it to the press without telling the House Intelligence Committee which you chaired?
Remember when you went to the White House to brief them which was a moot point because it turned out they were the ”unidentified source” who leaked the classified information to you in the first place?
That was when Lindsey Graham said this:
“The problem that he’s created is he’s gone off on a lark by himself, sort of an Inspector Clouseau investigation here.”
Break out the oxygen mask, Inspector Nunes! You are in rarefied air! As you and I know, there is no greater detective than Inspector Jacques Clouseau!
Remember when he tried to swat a fly with a medieval ball and chain and destroyed the society lady’s piano? Here’s what she said:
“That was a priceless Steinway!”
To which Inspector Clouseau replied:
But that episode when you leaked classified information that may or may not have exposed Obama because he may or may not have bugged foreign figures and may or may not have scooped up conversations with TRUMP in the process, is so last March! Since then, the Republicans on the House Ethics Committee cleared you of any wrongdoing--and look out world! It’s time for THE SEQUEL:
“Inspector Nunes Strikes Again!”
In the new movie, Inspector Nunes releases a 4-page memo “cherry picking” classified information, causing the FBI to protest that they have “grave concerns about material omissions of fact that fundamentally impact the memo’s accuracy.”
Inspector Nunes convinces his Republican friends on the House Intelligence Committee to release the memo, then secretly alters the memo before handing it off to President TRUMP so he can okay its release.
Inspector Nunes wages an epic battle to save the President of the United States from the FBI and the Justice Department who are on the verge of exposing him as a traitor who must be impeached and imprisoned.
It’s just like Inspector Clouseau said to his houseboy, Cato:
“Instincts, Cato, my little yellow friend. A detective must have good instincts.”
And you, Inspector Nunes, are blessed with Clouseau-like instincts!
Speaking of instincts, did you know that #ReleaseTheMemo is the top-trending hashtag among Twitter accounts linked to Russian propoganda operations? It’s true! The accounts that have been promoting that hashtag have spiked by 233,000% in the past 48 hours!
There’s only one thing to do: Stop the FBI’s Russia investigation!
Remember when Inspector Clouseau asked the hotel clerk, “Does your dog bite?”
The clerk said no, but when Clouseau bent down to pet the dog, he bit him. Clouseau said, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite.” To which the clerk said:
“That’s not my dog.”
You see? It’s just like in your new movie: “Inspector Nunes Strikes Again:”
Robert Mueller: Did Donald TRUMP collude with Russia?
Inspector Nunes: No.
(An avalanche of paper evidence collapses on Mueller and buries him)
Mueller (digging his way out): I thought you said Donald TRUMP didn’t collude with Russia.
Inspector Nunez: This investigation is a witch hunt! Say, hand me that document on your head. I want to leak it so I can get Rosenstein fired.
Fired FBI director and all-around sore loser, James Comey, just tweeted this:
“All should appreciate the FBI speaking up. I wish more of our leaders would. But take heart: American history shows that, in the long run, weasels and liars never hold the field, so long as good people stand up. Not a lot of schools or streets named for Joe McCarthy.”
Do you think someday you’ll get a school or a street named after you? Maybe a bridge. The Inspector Nunes Bridge. That has a nice ring to it. The Inspector Nunes Bridge could start at the White House and lead straight to Russia.
I wonder if they have enough LEGOS to build it?
P.S. Do you have a good lawyer? The reason I ask is most of the DC lawyers are taken already.
You might try Marc Kasowitz. Remember him? He’s the guy who said this in an email to a retired PR guy before President TRUMP fired him:
"And you don't know me, but I will know you How dare you send me an email like that I'm on you now You are f****** with me now Let's see who you are Watch your back, b****."
Kasowitz graduated from the Chris Christie School of Anger Management.
P.P.S. You see? Chris Christie had a school named after him. So can you!
P.P.P.S. Here’s another scene from “Inspector Nunez Strikes Again”:
Congressman Adam Schiff: “That was a priceless democracy!”
Inspector Nunes: “Not anymore.”