President Donald J. TRUMP
The White House (“a real dump”)
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500
Dear President TRUMP,
I heard you ordered officials at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention to ban seven words from their budget documents. Here are the seven words you don’t want the CDC to say:
Whoops! Wrong list! Those are the seven words George Carlin said you can never say on television. But guess what? He said them anyway! Just goes to show. When you’re a celebrity, you can do anything!
Anyway, here are the seven words you don’t want the CDC to say anymore:
I have a question: Are the CDC scientists still allowed to say, “Are you serious?”
“Are you kidding?”
The reason I ask is that’s what a CDC analyst asked the Washington Post when he heard about your ban:
“Are you serious? Are you kidding?”
But there’s another word that slipped through the cracks! Some guy named Rush Holt who claims to be the CEO of the American Association for the Advancement of Science noticed it. This is what Rush Holt said:
"Here's a word that's still allowed: Ridiculous."
I guess you’d better make it eight words.
Anyway, I’m worried that the “scientists” at the CDC aren’t taking your 7-Word-Ban seriously. I think you should write them a memo so they understand exactly what you have in mind. Here’s what your memo should say:
MEMO TO THE CDC:
To ensure that our most privileged citizens receive their due entitlement, we must allow every fetus to survive up until the moment it is born naked and vulnerable into this world at which time, if it is poor, brown, disabled or transgender, it must be cast aside because, at this critical juncture in human existence, it is imperative that we properly employ science-based reason and evidence-based facts to stamp out all traces of diversity.
Make America Great Again!
P.S. I think you should add George Carlin’s list to the words the CDC can’t say. Now we’re up to 14. Fifteen if you include “ridiculous.”
P.P.S. Also, I don’t think the CDC should be allowed to say, “Grab ‘em by the p***y, either.” That brings us up to 20!
P.P.P.S. But wait! I just thought of seven more words the CDC shouldn’t be allowed to say:
P.P.P.P.S. I know you don’t read books so I won’t recommend “1984.” It’s a good one, though. Maybe you should rent the movie.
P.P.P.P.P.S. On second thought, don’t.