President Donald J. TRUMP
The TRUMP Organization
725 Fifth Avenue,
New York, NY 10022
Dear President TRUMP,
This is outrageous! The Fake News is piling on! Here’s what the Fake News crowd said after you wrote that tweet about “low IQ” Mika Brzezinski whose face was “bleeding badly from a facelift”:
“Mr. President, your tweet was beneath the office and represents what is wrong with American politics, not the greatness of America.” R-Sen. Lindsey Graham
"Please just stop. This isn't normal and it's beneath the dignity of your office."
R-Sen. Ben Sasse
"Stop it! The Presidential platform should be used for more than bringing people down." R-Sen. Lisa Murkowski
"This has to stop. We must show respect and civility." R-Sen. Susan Collins
I know, I know. You’re saying, “But Carl, those aren’t Fake Media. Those are people from my own party!”
And I say to you sir, with all due respect, those are the same traitors who turned on you when the Fake News played the tape of you bragging about how you liked to grab women’s “pussies.”
Speaking of “pussies,” here’s what R-House Speaker Paul Ryan said about your tweet:
"Obviously I don't see that as an appropriate comment."
But my point is the Fake News is accusing you of sending outrageous tweets to distract everybody from how you colluded with the Russians. And they’re right! Do you see me writing a letter about how your former campaign manager Paul Manafort is now your second aide who has retroactively registered as a foreign agent?
Do you see me writing a letter about how Republican operative Peter W. Smith is suspected of trying to funnel Hillary’s missing emails from Russian hackers to your campaign advisor and 24-day National Security Director Michael Flynn?
Who was your first aide to retroactively register as a foreign agent?
Clue #1: He was your campaign advisor and 24-day National Security Director.
Clue #2: He led the chant: “Lock her up! Lock her up!” at the Republican Convention.
Clue #3: His initials are MF. (Answer in the P.S. section of this letter.)
You get my point. My brain is spinning with all these tangled Russian stories, so I can only imagine what they must be doing to yours! Let’s get back to something we can wrap our heads around like your tweets. Here’s more of what the Fake Media said:
“The president’s insults are vile.” Miami Herald Editorial Board
"It's a sad day for America when the president spends his time bullying, lying and spewing petty personal attacks instead of doing his job." MSNBC
"Never imagined a day when I would think to myself, 'it is beneath my dignity to respond to the President of the United States.'" Mark Kornblau, head of PR for NBC News and MSNBC
Congratulations, Mr. President! You’ve got ‘em right where you want ‘em! While the media are blathering about how “vile” you are, nobody’s talking about the Pew poll that says only 12% of Americans like your health care plan!
Wait, wait! Before you go on another tweet storm about the “low IQ” Americans who don’t like your plan, look at it this way:
Another Pew poll said that a whopping 22% of people around the world think you’re doing a good job!
Congratulations again, sir! That’s 10 points higher than Americans who like your health plan!
And it’s only 42% lower than Obama’s numbers. Just think how much the world will love you after you nuke North Korea!
Besides, the important thing is you did better than Obama in two countries: Israel and Russia. I guess the Israelis have forgiven you for blabbing their classified information to the Russians. The important thing is they saw you touching the Wailing Wall while you were wearing a yarmulke. They like that sort of thing.
And the Russians like that sort of thing when you blab Israeli classified information to them. It’s a win-win situation.
By the way, only 5% of Mexicans like you. Maybe if you offer them your health care plan in exchange for building a wall you can get your Mexican approval rating up to 12%.
But back to what we can all understand: Your tweets. Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough wrote an op-ed in the Fake News Washington Post this morning. Here’s what they said:
“(The president) is not mentally equipped to continue watching our show.”
This is outrageous! Of course you’re mentally equipped to watch Morning Joe! Just turn the sound off.
Or switch to Rachel Maddow.
P.S. The answer to the question: Who was your campaign aide who later became your 24-day National Security Director, who led the Republican Convention in a chant of “Lock her up! Lock her up!” and had to resign because he lied about his secret meetings with the Russians, and had to retroactively register as a foreign agent, and is now pleading the 5th and trying to cop an immunity plea because he has a tale to tell,” and whose initials are MF…..
The answer is……….
Wait! Wait! BREAKING NEWS!!!
President TRUMP (that’s you) just tweeted that Mika and Joe begged you to stop a National Enquirer article that claimed they were having an affair while they were still married!
I forget—what were we talking about?