Senator "Mitch" McConnell
241 E. Main Street, Rm 102
Bowling Green, KY 42101
Dear Senator McConnell,
I want to be the first to congratulate you for shutting Elizabeth Warren up when she read Coretta Scott King’s letter on the Senate floor, saying:
“Anyone who has used the power of his office as United States Attorney to intimidate and chill the free exercise of the ballot by citizens should not be elevated to our courts.”
How dare she use a debate over Jeff Sessions’ nomination for Attorney General as an excuse to impugn his character! Warren had no right to read Coretta Scott King’s words that said Jeff Sessions pursued:
“…politically-motivated voting fraud prosecutions…”
…and that he:
“…lacks the temperament, fairness and judgment to be a federal judge.”
Elizabeth Warren clearly overstepped all rules of Senate decorum and decency when she quoted Coretta Scott King saying that a Jeff Sessions federal judgeship:
“…simply cannot be allowed to happen…”
…and that his prosecuting civil rights leaders for voting fraud:
“…raises serious questions about his commitment to the protection of the voting rights of all American citizens.”
I just think it’s outrageous and disgusting that Elizabeth Warren would choose a Senate debate over Jeff Sessions’ Attorney General confirmation to quote Coretta Scott King saying:
“The irony of Mr. Sessions’ nomination is that, if confirmed, he will be given a life tenure for doing with a federal prosecution what the local sheriffs accomplished twenty years ago with clubs and cattle prods.”
If Elizabeth Warren had left the reading of Coretta Scott King’s statement to Sen. Tom Udall and Sen. Jeff Merkley and Sen. Sherrod Brown and Sen. Bernie Sanders in the first place, “we wouldn’t have had all these problems!” They didn’t get rebuked by the Republicans for reading Coretta Scott King’s statement that said:
“Mr. Sessions has used the awesome powers of his office in a shabby attempt to intimidate and frighten elderly black voters.”
There was something different about it when Udall, Merkley, Brown, and Sanders read Coretta Scott King’s statement that Jeff Sessions’ appointment would:
“…irreparably damage the work of my husband.”
I can’t quite put my finger on what was different. Maybe they were less shrill.
Anyway, thank you for standing up to that crazy woman! (I mean Elizabeth Warren, not Coretta Scott King. She’s a national hero!)
Speaking of “we wouldn’t have had all these problems,” remember when Trent Lott got in big trouble because he said:
When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."
And if Strom Thurmond had just taken that Coretta Scott King letter down to the local cross burning and thrown it in instead of tucking it away in a vault somewhere, the Washington Post and BuzzFeed wouldn’t have turned it up 30 years later and we wouldn’t be having all these problems right now!
But now I have a problem. It’s my wife Viola. As soon as you stopped Elizabeth Warren from reading Coretta Scott King’s words which said:
“I believe his confirmation would have a devastating effect on not only the judicial system in Alabama, but also on the progress we have made toward fulfilling my husband’s dream…”
…Viola said, “That’s the last straw!’
The next thing I knew, she was online donating money to Elizabeth Warren’s re-election campaign! Then she went to the MoveOn website and donated money to them!
She was like a drunk tourist at a Vegas slot machine!
She gave money to the Democratic Senatorial Committee! She gave to Planned Parenthood, NPR, and the ACLU!
But Viola was just getting started! She gave to the Huffington Post, Daily Kos, and BuzzFeed. She gave money to every Democrat Senator and every Democrat Representative who’s up for re-election!
And after all that, I’ll never forget what she said. Here’s what she said:
“It’s been a whole hour since I donated to Elizabeth Warren. I’d better give her some more!”
Senator McConnell, this can’t go on! At the rate Viola is donating to the Democrats, I’ll be bankrupt faster than you can say “War of Northern Aggression!”
I asked Viola what I could do to stop her from giving all our money to the Democrats, and here’s what she said:
“You tell that hypocritical little throwback from the Civil War that if he wants me to stop giving to the Democrats, there’s only one thing he can do: Give Merrick Garland a fair hearing!
Then she went back to her computer and gave $200 to Michael Moore.
So, you can see my dilemma. Do you think it would be too late to give Merrick Garland another shot? At this rate, I’m going to lose my house even before you deregulate the banks!
Merrick Garland isn’t as bad as you think. Actually, he’s not so different from Gorsuch. They’re both old white guys. What more do you need to know?
The only reason you didn’t like Merrick Garland was he was Obama’s pick. But now Obama’s off kite surfing while you’re stuck in a stuffy Senate chamber watching Orin Hatch blow his nose.
My point is, if you slipped Merrick Garland in now, Obama would never even know. He’s too busy sipping Mai Tais with Sir Richard Branson while you’re stuck in the
Senate chamber listening to Elizabeth Warren quoting Coretta Scott King saying:
"For this reprehensible conduct, he should not be rewarded with a federal judgeship."
Besides, if you don’t give Merrick Garland a shot, the Democrats will never let Gorsuch in. And if they don’t, the Republicans will retaliate and the Democrats will retaliate, until the only Supreme Court judge left standing will be Ruth Bader Ginsberg!
Please hurry, sir! Viola just gave some more money to Al Franken!
P.S. I noticed you have lots of offices, and I couldn’t decide which one to send this letter to. There’s your DC office and you have one in London. I almost sent it to your Lexington office on Corporate Drive. I’m sure it would get to you there!
But I decided to send it to your Bowling Green address in honor of our brave men and women who sacrificed their lives in the Bowling Green Massacre.
P.P.S. Please send an autographed picture to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite senator of all time! He likes you even better than Strom Thurmond!