Mr. Donald J. TRUMP
The TRUMP Organization
725 Fifth Avenue,
New York, NY 10022
Dear Mr. TRUMP,
You’ve probably noticed I haven’t written you for a while. I thought you were doing so well by yourself, you didn’t need my help. After the Access Hollywood tape came out, I told my wife Viola, “Now we’ve got ‘em right where we want ‘em!”
And she said, “Right, Carl. Your guy just won the vote of every woman who likes her p***y grabbed by a 70-year-old stranger!”
But now we’ve got a problem:
Last night at the debate, Chris Wallace asked you if you would accept the results of the election and here’s what you said:
“I will look at it at the time. I will keep you in suspense.”
Perfect answer, sir! Crooked Hillary was reeling! You even forced her to admit she was “horrified!” But then today you flip-flopped when you said:
“I will totally accept the results of the election. If. I. Win.”
What kind of answer is that???!!! IF you win? When it comes to Donald J. TRUMP, there is no IF in winning! Donald J. TRUMP always wins!
If you don’t win, that would make you…. well….
You’ve never lost a thing in your life! Aside from the $916 million you lost in 1995, and your six bankruptcies, and your Taj Majal casino that went belly up, and your Trump Hotels which lost $17.6 million in this last quarter.
Oh—and the Emmy. You lost that too. Eight times.
But my point is this: You didn’t lose the Emmy! If you don’t concede, how can you lose? Here’s what you said:
"I got screwed out of an Emmy. Everybody thought I was going to win it. In fact, when they announced the winner, I stood up before the winner was announced. And I started walking for the Emmy. And then they announced the most boring show on television, 'The Amazing Race.' Piece of crap.”
I have a question: Does Obama know about this? Whatever you do, don’t let him find out! You know how he gets at those roasts. He’d say something like:
“The Donald was so sure he’d won, he walked up to the stage to take his award before it was even announced. Emmy heaved a big sigh of relief when she learned he wouldn’t be handling her.”
This is outrageous! You’re not some two-bit dictator from The Republic of Bananas! You’re Donald J. TRUMP! You’re a winner! You’re a “bad hombre!”
That’s what you called the Mexican rapists in the debate last night—“bad hombres.” Speaking of the debate, here’s what else you said:
“Nobody has more respect for women than I do.”
Game over!!! That devastating punch left Crooked Hillary in a quivering pile on the floor, fumbling around for something to say like Grandma looking for her glasses. And this was her lame reply:
"Donald thinks belittling women makes him bigger. He goes after their dignity, their self-worth, and I don't think there is a woman anywhere who doesn't know what that feels like."
Such a nasty woman.
Stop flip-flopping, Mr. TRUMP. Stay on message! Here are your talking points:
*The election is rigged!
*The Liberal Media is colluding against you!
*Crooked Hillary is in cahoots with the international bankers “to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors!”
*You’re going to win because if you don’t win, that makes you…. well….
But if they do steal the election from you, here’s what you should say:
"I got screwed out of the presidency. Everybody thought I was going to win it. In fact, when they announced the winner, I stood up before the winner was announced. And I started walking for the White House. And then they announced the most boring candidate in America, Hillary Clinton. Such a nasty woman.”
Carl Estrada P.S. Speaking of international bankers, do you know about the Rothchild family? They’re the international banking family that had to escape Austria when Hitler took power and said the Jewish international bankers were secretly running the world. He had so many weird conspiracy theories!
P.P.S. Could you please send a photo of you with your family? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite billionaire family. He likes you even better than the Rothchilds.