Kellyanne Conway, Campaign Manager
The TRUMP Organization
725 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 10022
Dear Ms. Conway,
Damn! You’re good!
Ever since you hit the air waves as Mr. TRUMP’s campaign manager, his poll numbers have been going up faster than an escalator in the TRUMP Tower! And I don’t think it’s an accident! It’s because of you, Ms. Conway! Everybody loves a Republican BIRD (Babe In Revealing Dress)!
Is it okay if I call you “Ms.”? The reason I ask is you once said you wanted “more femininity” and “less feminism.” Maybe I should call you “Mrs.” Conway.
Speaking of “Mrs,” how’s your husband, George? Is his law firm still representing Phillip Morris tobacco company? I think he should stop working to prevent felons to vote and here’s why:
If felons get to vote, they’ll help Hillary get elected and then your husband can sue her for the next eight years like he used to sue Bill all the time!
Speaking of your husband, if I were him I’d be scared to death of you! And I’m not talking about that smile that you had surgically implanted (but I have to admit I would be scared to wake up in the middle of the night and see you grinning like that).
No, I’m talking about how he can never win an argument with you! He would say, “Why is my dinner never ready on time?” And you would say (smiling):
“There is no comparison between the dinners I’ve consistently cooked on time and theliesHillaryClintontoldaboutBenqhaziand(emails)the mannerinwhichsheusedherpositionasSecretaryofStatetocurryfavors fromdonorstotheClintonFoundationand(emails)thewayshestarted therumorthatBarackObamawasnotbornanAmericancitizenanditwas uptomybosstofinishwhatshestarted(emails).”
Then he would say, “But where’s my dinner?” And you would say (smiling):
“I don’t know, George, but the real problem is thewayHillaryClinton startedrumorsthatBarackObamawasnotbornanAmericancitizenand itwasuptomybosstofinishwhatshestarted(emails)andthemannerin whichsheusedherpositionasSecretaryofStatetocurryfavorsfrom donorstotheClintonFoundationand(emails)theliesshetoldabout Benghazi(emails).
Then your husband would say, “Why does Mr. TRUMP keep you working such long hours? To which you would say (smiling):
“You’ll have to ask him.”
I don’t know, Mrs. Conway. I think your husband is in way over his head! I just think you should put a little “femininity” back in your “feminism!” Save your marriage, Mrs. Conway! Bring your husband’s dinner on time! Who cares if you’re the greatest spin artist since Karl Rove? Who cares if you could sell a TRUMP steak to a vegan? It’s like Mr. TRUMP said:
“Nobody cares about the talent. There’s only one talent you care about, and that’s the look talent. You don’t give a shit if a girl can play a violin like the greatest violinist in the world. You want to know what does she look like.”
You see? It’s a good thing you have the “look talent!” You’re right up there with the other Republican BIRDS: Megyn Kelly, Laura Ingraham, Jamie Colby, Gretchen Carlson (traitor), Dana Perino, Ainsley Earhardt, Martha MacCallum, and Elisabeth Hasselback.
The only thing as important as “look talent” is honesty! That’s why when Bill Maher asked you why you don’t support Hillary, you said this:
“I can’t support someone who lies for a living.”
P.S. My wife Viola asked me to ask you who is the surgeon who artificially implanted that permanent smile on your face? I bet I know the answer:
You’ll have to ask him.
P.P.S. Please send a photo. Autographed. Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite Republican BIRD. He likes you even better than Ann Coulter.