Chairman, President, and CEO
The TRUMP Organization
725 Fifth Avenue,
New York, NY 10022
Dear Mr. TRUMP,
Say it ain’t so!
“President Barack Obama was born in the United States. Period.”
Mr. TRUMP, with all due respect, I’m starting to think you’re getting faked out by a phony! You’re getting conned by a con man! You bought naturopathic tinctures from a snake oil salesman!
How could you cave so easily?! Don’t you see Obama’s playing you for a sucker? In 2011, he released his “computer generated forgery” (as you called it) of a “birth certificate” or “whatever that was.”
But it’s like you said in 2013:
“How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama’s ‘birth certificate’ died in plane crash today. All others lived.”
Makes you think.
But now Obama’s playing bait and switch! Here’s what he said (and I think he was talking about you):
“He can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter - like, did we fake the moon landing?"
Don’t fall for it, Mr. TRUMP! There are plenty of people working on the fake moon landing issue! That one’s so obvious! Did you see “The Martian”? It’s amazing how realistic they can make things look these days!
Keep your eye on the ball, Mr. TRUMP! You have 51 days to prove Obama’s not one of us! By the way, did the Russians get back to you on this tweet:
“Attention all hackers: You are hacking everything else so please hack Obama's college records (destroyed?) and check ‘place of birth’ ”
Don’t quit on us Old White Guys now, Mr. TRUMP! Fan the flames! Keep the birther issue alive and the presidency will be yours faster than you can say “Basket of Deplorables!”
Speaking of baskets of deplorables, did you hear what David Duke said? He praised you for scaring the “Jewish extremists” and exposing the “Jewish supremacists who control our country.” Then he said this:
“The reason there’s a war on Donald Trump is because there’s a war on the real America, there’s a war on the European-American majority of the United States of America.”
This is deplorable! As a European-American, I will fight to my death to protect my right to bear arms and wear three-cornered hats and argue that the Civil War was about states rights and taxes!
I have a question about the Jews whose ancestors immigrated from Germany—are they European-Americans too? I think that’s different. Maybe we should call them Jewropean-Americans. Maybe they should wear a gold star on their lapels so we can tell the difference.
It’s a good thing African-Americans are black so we can tell the difference when we see them.
By the way, I guess I’m not a European-American either. As I told you in an earlier letter, my great great great grandpa Rolando Estrada fought for the Mexicans at the Alamo. So I guess that makes me a Mexican-American. But I just I think of myself as an Old-White-Guy-American. Assimilation!
What about the Indians? I don’t mean people from India (Indian-Americans?). I mean the people who lived here before the European-Americans. I guess that’s why we call them Native-Americans.
I hope you’re not planning to give back our land to the Indians. I heard one say that that would Make America Great Again!
P.S. This time please send me an autographed photo instead of another bumper sticker. You’ve sent me so many, my wife Viola calls my car “The Trumpmobile.”
P.P. S. Please sign the photo to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite European-American. He likes you even better than Arnold Schwarzenegger!
P.P.P.S. Arnold Schwarzenegger is an Austrian-American, so I guess you could say he’s an Old-European-American.
P.P.P.P.S. Viola has a bumper sticker on her car too. It says “Trump: Make America Hate Again!” Viola is so confusing! I thought she was for Hillary!