Mr. Reince Priebus
Chairman, Republican National Committee
310 First Street SE
Washington, DC 20003
Dear Mr. Priebus,
I can’t keep up!
First, Mr. TRUMP said Russia didn’t invade the Ukraine. Then he said maybe Russia should release Crooked Hillary’s emails. Then he said he sacrificed as much as the Gold Star families. Then he said he saw an American plane delivering ransom money to Iran. Then he said it was just some old clip he saw on TV. Then he said he wouldn’t endorse Paul Ryan, John McCane, and Kelly Ayotte. Then he said he would. Then he said he might not debate. Then he said he would. Then he called on “The Second Amendment People” to stop Crooked Hillary. Then he said he was joking. Then he called Obama and Clinton the “Founders of Isis.” Then he said he was being “sarcastic.” Then he said he sort of wasn’t. Then he said he’d be “fine” with prosecuting U.S. citizens at Gitmo. Then he said the election in Pennsylvania was “rigged.” Then he called the media the “lowest form of life.” Then he said if he loses, he’ll have a “very, very nice long vacation.”
And that was Friday!
Here’s my problem: It’s my wife, Viola. No matter how much I reason with her, she says she’s voting for Crooked Hillary! She says Hillary is the smartest person in any room she walks into and Mr. TRUMP is more out of control than a bag full of cats on an overdose of prednisone.
Here’s what I tried to explain to Viola:
“You see, Viola, Mr. TRUMP called the media “the lowest form of life” because he was mad that they didn’t tell him Crooked Hillary was the one who ordered Russia to secretly invade Ukraine after she ordered FOX News to replay an old episode of Man From Uncle in order to trick Mr. TRUMP into thinking it was a plane delivering ransom money to Iran! It’s as true as a TRUMP University diploma that Mr. TRUMP is sacrificing his “very, very nice long vacation” just so he can Make America Great Again, and he sacrificed a lot more by endorsing Ryan, McCane, and Ayotte, so why should he sacrifice even more by debating Crooked Hillary when he’ll have to answer questions from “the lowest form of life” about how “The Second Amendment People” should arrest the “Founders of Isis” and put them on trial at Gitmo? I bet the media won’t even ask Crooked Hillary one question about how she rigged the Pennsylvania election by making FOX News show an old rerun of Man From Uncle!”
Any reasonable person would have been convinced by my argument, but you know women, Mr. Priebus. As Mr. TRUMP said:
"There's a lot of women out there that demand that the husband act like the wife and you know there's a lot of husbands that listen to that. So you know, they go for it."
That’s the problem! Viola said I could wear the pants in the family again when I stop wearingTRUMP pants made in China! Then she said this:
“Why don’t you write one of your stupid letters to Reince Priebus? I’m sure he’ll know exactly what to do.”
So here I am, Mr. Priebus. Usually I’m the one giving advice but this time I’m asking you: What should I do about my wife, Viola?
Should I exercise my 2nd Amendment right to keep her from voting?
P.S. Is it true that you’re going to stop funding Mr. TRUMP’s campaign? The reason I ask is the other day he said this (I think it was Thursday):
"And I mean, if it is true, that's OK too because all I have to do is stop funding the Republican Party. I'm the one raising the money for them. In fact, right now I'm in Orlando, I'm going to a fundraiser for the Republican Party. If they want to do that they can save me a lot of time and a lot of energy. "
Don’t cut Mr. TRUMP off, Mr. Priebus! He’s bending over for you! Bend over for him too!
P.P.S. When I was young, I was taught this rule: “I” before “E” except after “C.” Now I’m totally confused. Your first name is “E” before “I” and your second name is “I” before “E.” Which is it? Make up your mind! Up is down, down is up! Throw out the rule book! I’m getting dizzy! Nothing makes sense anymore!
P.P.S. Please send a photo. Autographed. Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite TRUMP supporter! He likes you even better than Scott Baio! (I think that’s how you spell his name.)