Senator John McCane
218 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Dear Senator McCane,
Carl Estrada here. Remember me? I gave you lots of advice and constructive criticism when you ran for president. If you had listened to me, you’d be finishing up your second term as president right now!
Remember when I told you to watch out for Sarah Palin? Remember how I warned you she was dragging you around to all those events to tire you out so she could be president?
Well, I was right, wasn’t I? Sarah did tire you out! How else do you explain it that when Obama drove our nation’s economy into a free fall while he was running for president, you said:
“Our economy, I think, is still—the fundamentals of our economy are strong.”
Sarah Palin ran you so ragged, she had you singing in public:
“Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.”
When your wife (Cindy) twirled your hair and said, “You’re getting a little thin up there,” you got a little testy and said:
“At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c***.”
Senator, that’s no way to talk about your running mate!
But I can see why you came unglued. Sarah had you running faster than a congressman who has to stick around Washington to sign some damn appropriations bill and now he’s late for his plane to the Bahamas and he has to pee!
Anyway, Sarah Palin got her own reality TV show and you got stuck back in the Senate having to listen to Ted Cruz reading “Green Eggs and Ham.”
But that’s all so 2008! We have an election to win and I’m glad to see you’re wholeheartedly supporting “The Nominee.” Here’s what you said:
"I’ve said that I would support the nominee of the party. And let me just say to you, that is the last time. If I change my view or my position, then you will be among the first to know."
Change your view or position?! Just what are you implying, Senator McCane? Are you saying you might not support The Nominee? Are you saying just because The Nominee insulted Gold Star families and invited Putin to meddle in our elections and said he might not support our NATO allies and said that maybe Japan and Saudi Arabia could build nukes and accused a judge of being biased because of his Mexican heritage and hinted that maybe the 2nd Amendment supporters could assassinate Crooked Hillary or at least her Supreme Court pick….
Whew! I’m getting a cramp in my brain! Anyway, just because of that are you saying you might not support The Nominee?
Or is this some petty grudge? I know why you might change your mind! It’s because The Nominee wouldn’t endorse you until The Establishment made him read a speech, and while he was reading that speech he looked like a five year old kid whose parents are making him eat his liver and he’s looking for the dog so he can slip it to him under the table.
Or maybe it’s because The Nominee said this about you:
“He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”
Come on Senator! Remember when George W. Bush spread rumors in South Carolina that your adopted daughter from Bangladesh was your black love child and you were gay and cheated on your wife who was a drug addict? You supported him for president!
Are you so thin skinned you won’t support The Nominee just because he said you’re a loser?
I’m confused, Senator McCane. Are you going to play ball? Are you on the bus? Are you with us or are you against us?
Stand on principal! Support the man who got almost 40% of all the Republican primary votes! Support The Nominee!
Make America Great Again For Old White Guys!
P.S. If you say The Nominee’s name I’ll send a quarter to your re-election campaign.
P.P.S. Do you think if you lose this election that you’ll go on “American Idol” with Barack Obama? You could sing “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran,” and he could sing “Amazing Grace.” Maybe you could win this time.
P.P.S. Could you please send a photo? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite supporter of The Nominee. He likes you even better than Paul Ryan.