Governor Michael “Mike” Pence
Office of Governor
State House Rm. 206
Indianapolis, Indiana 46204-2797
Dear Governor Pence,
I hear you’re going to be Mr. TRUMP’s vice president! I just want to be the first to say: CONGRATULATIONS!
I hope you’re in good shape. On most commercial airlines there’s a 40 pound bag limit, but I bet Mr. TRUMPcan take as much luggage as he wants on his plane. When Chris Christie was carrying Mr. TRUMP’s bags, you could see him huffing and puffing up and down the ramp while he chased after Mr. TRUMP. You look in better shape than Christie, but you’re scrawnier. You’d better start putting in extra hours in the gym.
I’m happy to hear that you’ll be changing the tone in Washington. It’s gotten so ugly! Somebody had to call out Obama for the nasty things he said in his convention speech, and I’m glad it was you who said:
“Name calling has no place in public life.”
Obama had a lot of nerve to insult you like he did! How dare he say:
"Anyone who threatens our values, whether fascists or communists or jihadists or homegrown demagogues, will always fail in the end.”
Just because you passed a law in Indiana protecting people’s Christian right to discriminate against gays is no reason to call you a “homegrown demagogue!”
It’s time we brought some civility back into politics! Crooked Hillary, Crazy Bernie, Corrupt Kaine, and Pocahontas are making a mockery of our system! So are those traitors Lyin’ Ted and Low Energy Jeb!
At least Little Marco is finally drinking the Kool-Aid.
Anyway, I just want to say “Welcome Aboard!” I bet now when you’re on a Starbuck’s run to fetch Mr. TRUMP’s cappacino, they’ll move you straight to the head of the line!
Make America Great Again for Old White Guys!
P.S. Will you please send a photo of yourself? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite vice presidential candidate of all time. He likes you even better than Sarah Palin!
P.P.S. Speaking of Sarah Palin, did you hear her former advisor Nicole Wallace say that even though Sarah is “woefully ignorant” about foreign policy, she’s better at it than Mr. TRUMP? Maybe you should ask Mr. TRUMP if he could hire Sarah as his foreign policy advisor.
P.P.P.S. Wait till he’s in a good mood.