Chairman, President, and CEO
The TRUMP Organization
725 Fifth Avenue,
New York, NY 10022
Dear Mr. TRUMP,
You’ve got to be kidding! I’ve sent you two letters now, asking for an autographed picture for my grandson, Lester, and all you send me in return is what looks like a form letter from “Team Trump.” It’s not even signed!
After all the free advice I’ve given you, this is what I get? I’m starting to think this campaign is a sham! A shakedown! A fake! A fraud! A gimme! I’ve heard you’re a tough guy to do business with, but this is ridiculous!
By the way, I don’t bother to watch FOX or CNN to find out what’s going on in the world anymore—I just read your tweets. Like when you said:
“Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”
Congratulations, Scotland! And congratulations, Mr. TRUMP for scooping the press again! They still haven’t found out that Scotland left the EU!
By the way, what’s a cockwomble? The reason I ask is a Scottish fan of yours tweeted this:
“@realDonaldTrump we voted remain you polyester cockwomble”
And another fan said:
“@realDonaldTrump We voted to stay in the EU, you utter cockwomble. Go take a swim in the Firth of Clyde.”
I looked up the Firth of Clyde. It’s a large body of water near your golf course. Did you ever swim there?
Those Scots sure have a funny way of talking. Here’s what one guy said:
“@realDonaldTrump we never got our country back, we wanted to remain, bolt ya hamster heedit bampot, away and boil yer napper”
I looked that one up in my Scottish/English dictionary and I think what he meant to say was: “Go away you hamster-headed person of low intelligence and hooliganistic tendencies, go boil your head.”
Or something like that.
Anyway, even though you haven’t sent my grandson Lester that autographed picture yet, thanks for the letter from Team Trump. And thanks for that Make America Great Again! bumper sticker. You could call it a Trumper sticker. Get it?
By the way, who’s on Team Trump? Is it your kids? Maybe you could send a picture of Ivanka. Ask her to autograph it. She's a 10!
Don’t send Ivanka’s picture to Lester. Send that one to me!
Make America Great Again! Scotland too!