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Senator Burnie Sanders, U.S. Senate, 332 Dirksen Building, Washington, D.C. 20510
Dear Burnie,
Dude! I’m feelin the Burn!
I really am too! I was out surfing all day yesterday and now my skin is the color of that Trump dude’s hair on account of my girlfriend locked me out the house and I didn’t have no sunscreen. Here’s a joke you might want to use:
Q: What do you call a surfer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Dude! That’s harsh!
I just want you to know I’m all about Burnie For President! I don’t like that Hillary lady. She’s like my mom who was always making me do my homework and clean my room and eat my vegetables. You’re more like my grandpa. He used to come over on weekends with his pockets stuffed with toys and candy and take us kids to the movies. I liked my grandpa!
I hope you take it all the way to the convention! Whatever that is. And if that Hillary lady beats you, then I’m voting for that Trump dude. You make sense and so does he! I mean, why does everything have to be so complicated all the time? It’s like my girlfriend. She thinks if I live in her house I should have to pay half the bills. I tell her why should I pay half the bills when I can live there for free?
And besides, how can I pay half the bills when I’m out surfing every day and I’m like….broke?
Remember that Ralph Nader dude? He made a lot of sense too. Remember how he ran for president and ruined it for that Gore dude and then that Bush dude got elected by the Supreme Court and that Gore dude ended up getting fat and making movies about how the world was coming to an end?
Maybe you could do that too. You could run against Trump and Hillary and when Hillary loses then she can go off and get fat and make movies about how the world is coming to an end.
Except now the Supreme Court would call it a tie.
Maybe if the Supreme Court calls it a tie, then you can be president! Dude! That would be excellent! Then you can get rid of Wall Street and I can go to college for free and we can have a Revolution!
Dude! I think I’ll pass on the free college. I’d rather go surfing.
Rock on!
Brad Cahoon
