Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Thursday, August 14, 2003
Governor Mike Leavitt
Office of the Governor
210 State Capitol
Salt Lake City, Utah 84114

Dear Future EPA Director Leavitt,

Welcome aboard! Maybe I’m getting ahead a little bit--I know you still have to be confirmed by the Senate, but that’s no big deal. It’ll be a tie vote, Cheney will break the tie, and you’re in!

What’s the first thing you’ll do as head of the EPA? I think you should take care of your own backyard. Right in your own state of Utah, you’ve got the Environmental Industry that’s trying to deny American its God-given right to oil which we need to feed our SUV’s so we can drive anywhere in the canyons we want. Here’s what you do: Tell the granolas they have to prove it’s Wilderness if they want to protect it for their own selfish uses, and how can they call it Wilderness when you’ve got all those SUV’s and dune buggies driving all over it? That’ll shut ‘em up!

Where do you stand on Global Warming? I think you’d better go along with the President on that one. You saw what happened to Christie Whitman. Don’t say anything about the heat wave in Europe. In fact, probably best not to mention Europe at all right now--it’s kind of a touchy subject. If anybody asks you about Global Warming, just say, “Needs more study.” If they press you on it, tell them you’re doing a 7-year study to see how humans can adapt, if it turns out there is such a thing as Global Warming. Tell them the study is based on “sound science.” Just keep saying: Needs more study, adapt if necessary, sound science. I know it sounds screwy, but trust me--it works!

The other word to always remember is: “Balance.” “Balance” should be sandwiched between “but” and “economy.” Example: “I am totally committed to a pristine environment in which every American can breathe fresh air, drink clean water, and enjoy the beauty of nature, but we need to balance that with what’s good for the economy.

I think that about covers it. I know you will do a great job of protecting our environment...but, (you’ve got it) you’ll also balance it with what’s good for the economy.

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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