Thursday, September 25, 2008
John McCane 2008
P.O. Box 16118
Arlington, VA 22215
Dear Senator McCane,
You’ve got to stop the Hockey Mom!
Last week, I warned you that the Hockey Mom was trying to take your job. I advised you to keep my letter in your pocket so you could read it whenever you forgot. I’m afraid you’ve lost it by now--you probably threw it away with your used kleenex and gum wrappers.
So I’d better hit the reset button because, sir, your job is in danger! After I warned you that the Hockey Mom was trying to take your job, she went out on the stump and talked about the “Palin and McCane administration.” Then she told everybody you were her “running mate.”
But that’s not all! Last night, she went on CBS all by herself and when the Liberal Katie Couric asked her, “Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?”, the Hockey Mom stabbed you in the back when she said:
“I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that’s paramount. That’s more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.”
But would the Liberal Katie Couric let up? No! She pressed on:
“But he’s been in Congress for 26 years. He’s been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.”
The Hockey Mom twisted the knife in deeper when she said:
“He’s also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he’s been talking about - the need to reform government.”
The Liberal Katie Couric was like a pit bull, viciously smearing her lipstick on the Hockey Mom’s throat:
“But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you’ve said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?”
The Hockey Mom pretended to fight back:
“I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.”
Then the Liberal Katie Couric went for the jugular:
“I’m just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.”
And that’s when the Hockey Mom gave you the Judas kiss:
“I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.”
You see? This was the Hockey Mom’s chance to prove she was loyal, but when her number came up, she betrayed you! She couldn’t name one thing you had ever done to back regulation! If she was really on your side, here’s what she would have said:
“Well, you know, Katie, my running mate was one of two senators who were exhonerated in the Keating 5 scandal. Charles Keating was Senator McCane’s top contributor and he wined and dined him and took him on lots of fabulous vacations in his corporate jet. But my running mate had so much integrity, it didn’t influence him one bit during the S & L scandal! The Senate Ethics Committee didn’t even censure him! They only said he had “bad judgment.”
That would have shut the Liberal Katie Couric up faster than you can say, “My pastor’s a witch hunter!”
But no--the Hockey Mom keeps badmouthing you and dragging you from one Palin/McCane rally to another, just to tire you out. That’s why I was so glad when you suspended your campaign. You need a nap!
And that was genius to suspend the debate! You didn’t want to debate Obama anyway--he’s so annoying! He’s so cool and calm and he’s always got all those irritating facts! He’s the kind of guy who can really get under your skin and make you start jumping around like your hair’s on fire!
But here’s the reason it was genius to suspend the debate: Obama is such a gentleman, he’ll honor your wishes and not show up. That’s when you counter his move with a little razzle dazzle: You do show up! You can say, “If Obama doesn’t want to debate, I’ll just have to debate myself!”
McNeill Lehrer: Senator McCane, how would you assess the state of the economy?
McCane: “The fundamentals of the economy are strong.”
McNeill Lehrer: Senator McCane, your response?
McCane: “We could slide in a Depression by Monday. We could see 12% unemployment.”
McNeill Lehrer: Senator McCane, what is your opinion of an AIG bailout?
McCane: “We cannot have the taxpayers bail out AIG or anybody else.”
McNeill Lehrer: Senator McCane, your response?
McCane: “There are literally millions of people, whose retirement, their investments, their insurance were at risk here, and they were going to have their lives destroyed.”
McNeill Lehrer: What is your position on government regulation of the financial markets? Senator McCane, you go first.
McCane: “I am less government, less regulation, lower taxes, etc. etc.”
McNeill Lehrer: Senator McCane, what say you to this?
McCane: “We’re going to put an end to the wreckless conduct, corruption, and unbridled greed that have caused a crisis on Wall Street.”
McNeill Lehrer: And Senator McCane, you have time for a 30 second rebuttal.
McCane: “The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should.”
You see? Go to Mississippi and debate yourself on Friday, and your poll numbers will go up faster than you can say, “Hail Mary!”
Your biggest fan,
P.S. Please send an autographed picture. Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite S & L player. He likes you even better than Charles Keating!