Friday, September 12, 2008
Governor Sarah Palin
Alaska State Capitol Building
P.O. Box 110001
Juneau, AK 99811-0001
Dear Governor Palin,
You did it! You hit that hockey puck right out of the park!
Last night you went toe to toe with the sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson and he couldn’t lay a glove on you! The sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson tried all night to play “GOTTCHA” with insulting questions he’d never dare ask a man! Questions like:
“Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?”
For a second you were quiet and my heart caught in my throat. But then you nailed him with your answer:
“In what respect, Charlie?”
I jumped out of my seat and cried, “Yes! The hockey mom’s thinking on her feet!” But the sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson wouldn’t let up. Here’s what he said:
“The Bush -- well, what do you -- what do you interpret it to be?”
I called my wife Viola who was in the kitchen--she had been running the garbage disposal ever since you came on. I said, “Viola, can you believe the way that man is badgering this poor woman?”
She turned on the vacuum cleaner, put her hands over her ears and yelled, “I can’t he-e-e-ear you!” Viola was acting really weird. But you had a snappy comeback for the sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson. Here’s what you interpreted the Bush Doctrine to be:
“His world view.”
Bingo! I couldn’t have said it better myself. But was your answer good enough for the sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson? No! He tried to bully you just like Ricky Ricardo used to bully Lucy:
“No, the Bush doctrine, enunciated September 2002, before the Iraq war.”
I couldn’t hear your answer very well because Viola was in the kitchen with the garbage disposal and the vacuum running, and she was banging on a pot with a big spoon. But I heard you say something about “Islamic extremism...Charlie...terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation...Charlie...the beauty of our American elections is with new leadership comes the opportunity to do things better...Charlie.”
And then the sexist Charles “Charlie” Gibson stooped to a new low! He explained to you what the Bush Doctrine was--like you were just some hockey mom from a hick town who didn’t know the first thing about foreign policy! Here’s what he said:
“The Bush doctrine, as I understand it, is that we have the right of anticipatory self-defense, that we have the right to a preemptive strike against any other country that we think is going to attack us.”
What a cheap shot! Just think if he was interviewing that old guy, McWhatshisname--he’d never ask him a question like that! The least he could have done was given you a multiple choice question. Like:
The Bush Doctrine is:
a) “I don't see America having problems.”
b) “So long as I'm the president, my measure of success is victory -- and success.”
c) “The decisions we make in Washington have a direct impact on the people in our country, obviously.”
d) "My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions."
By the way--who’s your Favorite Rock Group of All-Time? Mine is the Monkees. Here’s why:
Before the Monkees, there was this group called the Beatles. The year you were born, the Beatles came from England and took America by storm. They were huge stars. They had lots and lots of hits, and girls screamed everywhere they went.
But then the Monkees came along. They wore their hair just like the Beatles. They dressed just like the Beatles. Girls screamed at their shows, just like the Beatles. Some people said they weren’t really playing their own instruments and maybe they were lip-synching, but who cares? They got their own TV show and guess what? For a week or two, they were bigger than the Beatles!
Anyway, I didn’t get to hear the rest of the interview very well, what with the garbage disposal and the vacuum and Viola banging on pots and pans in the kitchen. She also started chanting something over and over--I couldn’t quite make it out, but it sounded like she was saying something like, “GET RIGHT WITH YOUR MAKER! THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!”
Women! Go figure!
But through the ruckus, I thought I heard you telling the sexist Charles "Charlie" Gibson something about going to war with Russia if they invaded Georgia, and supporting Israel if they nuked Iran or anybody else, and doing whatever it takes to stop Islamo-extremism. I just have one question:
Is it “noo-clee-ar” or “noo-cu-ler”? The reason I asked is one time I heard you say “noo-cu-ler” and the next time I heard you say “noo-clee-ar.” It’s almost like your coaches told you to say “noo-clee-ar,” and you forgot and said “noo-cu-ler,” but then you remembered the next time and got it right. I think you should stick with “noo-cu-ler.” It worked for My President, it’ll work for you too!
Your biggest fan,
P.S. When you become president, will you make me Ambassador to Canada? I can see British Columbia from my house, so I know a lot about it.
P.P.S. Could you please send me a picture? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite presidential candidate. He likes you even better than that old guy, McWhatshisname.