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Friday, April 06, 2007
Senator Barack Obama
713 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Senator Obama,

     I wonder if you could settle a bet?  I say you’re a nice, young man who makes a good speech.  My wife, Viola says you’re the Second Coming of Christ.  Who’s right?

     It’s important that you clear this up and here’s why: If I win my bet, Viola will  have to vote Republican in 2008--even if our candidate is Newt Gingrich!  If Viola’s wins, I’ll have to vote for you!

     I don’t want to vote for you and here’s why: I don’t want my president to be a nice young man who makes a good speech!  I want the next president to be just like My President is now!  Either that or the Supreme Court should give My President another try.

     Here’s the difference between you and My President.  You say:

"We must believe we're in this together and not to go it alone.”

    But My President says:

“You’re with us or you’re against us.”

     You see?  How do you expect to catch Bin Laden if you think “we’re in this together”?  My President knows Bin Laden is against us!  That’s why He caught Saddam Hussein, and now the world is better off!  Even the 655,000 dead Iraqis are better off because they died on their homeland.  We killed them over there so we wouldn’t have to kill them here!

     You say:

“All across the world, in every kind of environment and region known to man, increasingly dangerous weather patterns and devastating storms are abruptly putting an end to the long-running debate over whether or not climate change is real. Not only is it real, it's here, and its effects are giving rise to a frighteningly new global phenomenon: the man-made natural disaster.”

     But My President says:

“It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.  It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

     Bingo!  My President doesn’t need to be articulate like you, Mr. Harvard Law School graduate!  My President is a strong leader who speaks with clarity!

     You say:

“Focusing your life solely on making a buck shows a certain poverty of ambition. It asks too little of yourself. Because it's only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential.”

     But My President says:

“And one thing we want during this war on terror is for people to feel like their life's moving on, that they're able to make a living and send their kids to college and put more money on the table."  

    My President got you again!  I’ve been following your career ever since Viola decided you were the Second Coming of Christ, and you’ve never said one word about “putting money on the table!”

     You say:

“I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war.”

     But My President says:

“Some call this civil war; others call it emergency -- I call it pure evil."

     I’m sorry, Senator Obama.  You seem to be a nice young man, but I don’t think you have what it takes to be president!  If you were smart, you would have learned by now that you have to make things simple so people can understand you.  Like when My President says:

“The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done."

     You and Hillary and John Edwards and all you wannabes might as well save your time and money and fancy speeches and go home, because My President will never leave before the job is done, which means My President is going to be Our President for a long time!

     By the way, if you still decide to run for president after you read this letter, I have another piece of advice, and I can sum it up in one word, and here it is:

     Don’t grow your hair like Al Sharpton!  I know you want the African-American vote, but it’s not worth it!  I told Sharpton when he ran in 2004 that he should change his hair-do, but would he listen?  No!  And look where it got him!  Instead of sitting in the Oval Office, he’s one-upping Jesse Jackson at James Brown’s funeral!   The Sharpton-do didn’t work for him, it won’t work for you either!  

     Don’t change a thing!  You look great!  You don’t have to listen to me--ask Viola!  The way she talks about you, I’m getting jealous!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

P.S.  I heard you promised your wife you’d quit smoking if she let you run for president.  If you get elected, I hope you’ll sneak a smoke once in a while.  Otherwise, I’m afraid you might nuke somebody.  If I had been president when I quit smoking, I would have nuked somebody!

P.P.S.  Speaking of nuking somebody, do you think My President will?  He can’t win!  If He nukes somebody, His enemies will say it’s because He’s drinking again, and His friends will say He's cracking under the pressure because He’s on the wagon.  Politics!

P.P.P.S.   Could you please send me a photo?  Autographed?  Make it out to my wife, Viola.  She thinks you’re the Second Coming of Christ.   

P.P.P.P.S.  Viola also wants me to tell you she doesn’t think My President is the anti-Christ.  She thinks Cheney is. 

 

 
 
 
 
 


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