Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Libby Legal Defense Trust
2100 M Street, NW Suite 170-362
Washington, DC 20037-1233
Dear Lewis "Scooter" Libby,
This is the Trial of the Century! It's bigger than OJ!
You probably don't recall who OJ is--it's so hard to remember details when you've got so much on your mind. But just to jog your memory, OJ Simpson was a football player who killed his wife, and they tried him in the Trial of the Century, and the jury found him not guilty because he just couldn't fit the murderer's glove on his hand.
You see? He's just like you! He was in the Trial of the Century and they let him go! Now you're in the Trial of the Century and they'll let you go too!
With everything that's on your mind, you probably don't recall what this trial is about. Let me fill in the blanks. Some weasley traitor outed a CIA spy! (In case you don't recall, CIA stands for Central Intelligence Agency.) Whoever the slime was who leaked Valerie Plame's identity to the press, they did it because her husband, Joe Wilson, wrote an article saying My President was lying about Saddam getting uranium from Niger. (In case you don't recall, Saddam was the Evil Dictator of Iraq. Niger is a country in Africa.)
(Iraq is the country we liberated.)
Anyway, you were Dick Cheney's right hand man. (In case you don't recall, Dick Cheney is our Vice President.) Here's what Cheney said about you:
"Scooter Libby is one of the most capable and talented individuals I have ever known."
So, you testified to the grand jury that you didn't know Valerie Plame's identity (Valerie Plame is the CIA spy who got outed, CIA stands for Central Intelligence Agency) until Tim Russert told you on July 11. (Tim Russert is a TV star.) But Ari Fleischer (former White House press secretary) and Judith Miller (White House mole at the NY Times) and a whole bunch of other witnesses say you told them about Valerie Plame (she's the CIA spy who got outed, CIA stands for Central Intelligence Agency) way before July 11. But you don't recall any of those conversations because you were busy liberating Iraq, and you had a lot on your mind.
So, at the same time you don't recall leaking Valerie Plame's identity (CIA spy, CIA=Central Intelligence Agency), Karl Rove was leaking her identity to Bob Novak (in case you don't recall, Karl Rove is My President's genius political strategist, Bob Novak is a White House media mole). And now Cheney (the Vice President you used to work for) is trying to throw you under the bus to save Karl Rove (genius). Here's what Cheney (the Vice President) said in a memo:
"Not going to protect one staffer and sacrifice the guy ("this Pres" crossed out) that was asked to stick his neck in the meat grinder."
So, there you have it! Stick to your story!
Right now, you must be saying, "Carl, what is my story?"
That's it! Perfect! Say it again: "I don't recall!"
OJ Simpson is free! Soon, you will be too!
(OJ Simpson is a football player who murdered his wife but the jury let him go because the murder's glove didn't fit.)
P.S. Could you please send me a photo of yourself? Signed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You're his favorite alleged leaker. He likes you even better than Cheney (he's the Vice President you used to work for).
P.P.S. Here's a quarter for your defense fund. Please send a receipt.