Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Saturday, May 17, 2003
Mr. Wayne Newton
Stardust Hotel
3000 Las Vegas Blvd. South
Las Vegas, NV 89109

Dear Mr. Newton,

I can't believe I'm really talking to you! The King of Las Vegas! What an honor! Should I call you "Your Highness," or is "Mr. Newton" ok?

You won't believe this coincidence: I was reading in the paper that your pet kangaroo ran away and you had to have one of your staff lassoo it and bring it back. The amazing thing is, I've been thinking about getting a kangaroo myself! How are they as pets? Do they housetrain well? Can you sleep with them? I know you must have a lot of priceless furniture. How do you keep the kangaroo from knocking it over? Also, if you don't mind my asking, what's your kangaroo's name? I was thinking about naming mine something simple like "Bob," but now I might name it "Wayne" (if it¹s a boy, of course). If it's a girl, I¹m leaning toward "Dorothy."

I saw on your website that you shaved your mustache. The last time I saw you without a mustache was on Ed Sullivan. I think you were six then. You look much better without it! No offense, but the mustache made you look a little like "Snidely Whiplash." I think you look more like a real American now.

"Danke Schoen" is my favorite song of all time! I love it when you sing:

When you tore your dress,
What a mess,
I confess.

Your biggest fan,
Carl Estrada

P.S. Would you mind sending me a picture of yourself? Signed, if it"s not too much trouble. It"s for my grandson, Lester. You can make it out to him. He prays for you every night. My wife and I do too.