Sunday, January 28, 2007
Mr. Marion “Pat” Robertson
CBN Partner Correspondence
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23463
Dear Marion “Pat” Robertson,
I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to get two (2!) letters from your nice secretary, and a bonus picture of you!
I have a favor to ask you: Could you send me a different picture? You already sent me the latest one, so now I have doubles. That’s okay—I can always trade the extra—it must be worth at least a Jerry Falwell, a James Dobson, and a Ted Haggert!
The only difference between the picture you sent last time and the one you sent this time is you signed the first one in the top left corner, and this new one you signed over your stomach. I liked the first way better—you can see it more clearly. The stomach autograph blends in with your dark coat and it looks like you spilled something on your tie.
Also—I think the suit sends the wrong message. It's so 2006! Now that the Christian right leaders are saying we’d better do something about global warming after all, you should take a promo picture in the rugged, outdoorsy, REI look. Could you send me a picture of you in a fishing vest? Maybe you could be praying in front of a melting glacier.
Maybe if they make a movie about you, they can get Robert Redford to play you.
By the way, what do you think of Our President’s troop surge? Don't tell Him I said this, but personally, I don’t think it will work. There are millions of Iraqis over there in Iraq, and I think it will take more than another twenty thousand Americans to kill them all.
P.S. I have a theological question I’d like you to clear up: Does God have a beard?
P.P.S. I’ve sent two quarters this time! That’s fifty cents. You can use it toward a flannel shirt.
P.P.P.S. Please send a receipt.