Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Carl’s Point originates at KCUP-1230 AM radio in Newport, Oregon on Tuesday, 7:26 a.m., repeating Thursday 6:26 a.m. Engineer: Shannon O’Neill
Note: To receive the full impact of Carl’s Point, you must hear it. Click on the audio icon for the total Carl’s Point experience!
Announcer: Hey everybody! What time is it?
Chorus: It’s time for Carl’s Car Tips!
Announcer: That’s right! And here’s that car tipster himself: Your friendly neighborhood grocer, Carl Estrada!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
Carl: Thank you, thank you! Today I want to talk about how to get your car out when you’re stuck in a ditch. I speak from experience. The other day, I was driving home with my wife Viola. We were on a dirt road about a mile from my house, when Viola said:
Viola: Carl, what do you think of Your President now? The only people in the whole world who want us to stay in Iraq are his wife and his dog. So what does Your President do? He escalates the war!
Carl: “And well he should,” I explained. “He just needs a few more troops, a little more time, and we all just have to try harder.”
I guess I got distracted, because the next thing I knew, I had gone off the side of the road, and I was stuck in a muddy ditch. Of course, I did the only thing to do when you’re stuck in a ditch. I gunned the engine. But Viola said:
Viola: Carl! What are you doing?! You’re just digging us in deeper!
Carl: To which I said, “Viola, I’m the Decider! And I’ve decided the best way to get out of this ditch is to gun the engine again!” Which is exactly what I did--but the wheels just sank deeper in the mud. Then Viola said:
Viola: “Carl, we’re in a quagmire! We’d better get some friends to help us!”
Carl: I explained to Viola it wasn’t a quagmire, it was just a ditch. And I didn’t need any friends, thank you--I could do it myself! And I gunned the engine.
Well, after a few hours of this, I decided I needed to change the course. So I walked home and got my Hummer. I drove it back and parked it in the ditch in front of my car, then I attached a chain from the Hummer to my car, got in the Hummer, and gunned the engine.
Well, guess what? Now I have two cars stuck in the ditch. That’s okay. Tomorrow, I’ll take some money out of my grandson Lester’s trust account and buy a newer, bigger Hummer. Then I’ll drive it into the ditch and pull my cars out.
Oh, by the way, you’re probably wondering what happened to Viola. Well, she decided to visit her sister for awhile. I’m sure she’ll come back as soon as I get my cars out of the ditch.
I’m Carl Estrada and that’s my Car Tip.