Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Attorney General John Ashcroft
U.S. Department of Justice
950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20530-0001

Dear Attorney General John Ashcroft,

Whoa--dude! I’m all over Operation Full Disclosure! This is the best thing that’s happened since the Patriot Act! Was this your idea?

I want to do everything I can do to help cause I’m a real American. When 9-11 happened, I was so bummed out I went out the next day and got an American flag tattooed right over my heart. The day we invaded Afghanistan, I got another one that wraps around my head and looks like a bandanna. The day after we invaded Iraq, I had my surfboard painted like an American flag. I got a question: If I wipe out my board and it shatters into smithereens, will I get in trouble? Is that flag desecration? That’d be a bummer, dude.

I’ll give you as good of a list as I can. I don’t have any books cause I don’t like, read--except for stuff like surf magazines and mainly I just look at the pictures. I’ve got an awesome collection though--they’re all in boxes in my girl friend’s attic. Let me know if you want a list and I’ll dig ‘em up. I got so many CD’s I don’t know where to start, but it’s just the usual stuff--Zeppelin, Halen, stuff like that. Here’s all the movies I’ve rented this year that I can remember:

1. Blue Crush
2. The Endless Summer
3. Wayne’s World
4. American Pie
5. Warren Miller’s Extreme Surfing
6. Freddy Got Fingered
7. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
8. Surfer Magazine: Surfing Legends
9. Van Halen: Video Hits, Vol. 1
10. The Endless Summer II
11. WWE Wrestlemania XIX
12. Pumping Iron (Arnold is a god!)
13. Spinal Tap
14. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
17. Shallow Hal
18. The Endless Summer Revisited
19. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
20. Friday the 13th Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan
21. Surf Crazy
22. The Three Stooges: A-Plumbing We Will Go

Let me know if there’s anything else I can tell you about my life. No thanks necessary, dude. I’m just doing my part as an American!

Later,
Brad Cahoon

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