Thursday, January 04, 2007
Mr. Marion “Pat” Robertson
CBN Partner Correspondence
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23463
Dear Marion “Pat” Robertson,
Just when I thought My President was making me safe from terror, the Lord spoke to you, and now I’m scared all over again! I heard that the Lord told you there would be a terrorist attack in late 2007. Here’s what you said:
“I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear. The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”
Something like that?! Is this the best you can do? If you can’t get the Lord to be more specific, I’m going to start watching Miss Cleo for my predictions!
Why is the Lord toying with you? Did it ever cross your mind that if He really wanted you to know, He might tell you little details like the weapons the terrorists are planning to use? Or the date? Or the city? If you thought this through, Marion “Pat” Robertson, you’d know the Lord is setting you up!
What did you do to make Him so mad at you? Was it when you asked Him to remove the liberal judges from the Supreme Court, and He told you:
“I will remove judges from the Supreme Court quickly, and their successors will refuse to sanction the attacks on religious faith."
Don’t you know as soon as you told the whole world of our Lord’s plans, you tied His hands behind His back? How would it look if everybody knew He assassinated a Supreme Court justice?
And then you “heard it from the Lord” that My President would get His Social Security and tax reform passed. Did it ever occur to you the Lord was telling you a secret and He didn’t want you blabbing it all over national TV?!
Then you embarrassed the Lord when you blabbed His prediction that My President would win the 2004 election in a “blowout.” Here’s what you said:
“I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004."
No wonder He’s mad at you! You keep advertising all His bad predictions and making Him look stupid! Then there was this:
“If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms. There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."
There are only two explanations:
1. Your hearing is bad. You have to admit you’re no spring chicken. There’s no shame in this. My wife Viola and I have the same problem. She’ll say, “You know what I’m wishin’,” and I’ll answer, “You say you’re going fishin’?”
2. The Lord is setting you up as His stooge.
Maybe the Lord is mad at you for saying that American agents should assassinate Hugo Chavez. Or maybe the Lord didn’t like it when you said Ariel Sharon’s stroke was His revenge for pulling Israeli settlements out of the Gaza Strip.
I think it goes back farther than that. Back in 1988, you said:
“I heard the Lord saying 'I have something else for you to do. I want you to run for president of the United States."
Then you predicted:
“I assure you that I am going to be the next president of the United States."
When did the Lord get mad at you and start whispering bogus predictions in your head? We have to get to the bottom of this! Here’s what you should do: Dig through all your old financial statements and see when you first started losing all your bets. Follow the money! When you find the last bet you’ve won, you’ll have your answer!
P.S. Do you still brief My President once a week? In your last newsletter, you had a great interview with My President where He said:
“I have been deeply affected by the fact that people from all walks of life pray for me and my family. That is the greatest gift you can give a president.”
Do you pray for My President? Maybe you should stop until we get to the bottom of this predictions question.
P.P.S. I’m sorry I haven’t sent you any money for a while. Things have been tight. I’ve taped a quarter to this letter. Please send a receipt.
P.P.P.S. We’ve been corresponding for years now, and you still haven’t answered my question: Why do you go by the name “Pat” when your real name is “Marion”? I wonder if this is a clue to why the Lord is so mad at you?
P.P.P.P.S. Could you please send a picture? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite television psychic of all time! He likes you even better than Miss Cleo!