Monday, December 11, 2006
Dick and Lynne Chainy
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. Vice President and Mrs. Vice First Lady,
I just want to be the first to say: Congratulations, Grandpa and Grandma!
Question: What do the Virgin Mary and your daughter Mary Chainy have in common?
Answer: They’re both named Mary!
Also, the Virgin Mary and Mary Chainy both conceived a baby without knowing a man (in a Biblical sense).
I know it's probably Top Secret, but are you two going to raise Mary’s and Heather’s baby? You’ll have to, because My President says all children should be raised by one man and one woman.
My President is right again! He’s a perfect example. He was raised by one man and one woman, and look at Him now! If He had been raised by gays, He’d probably be jumping around in a fighter pilot’s jump suit like Richard Simmons, and then where would we be?
By the way, I want to buy a gift so I need to know if it’s going to be a boy or a girl. Is that Top Secret, too?
If it’s a girl, I’ll buy her Barbie doll and a Ken doll. It’s never too early to learn! If it’s a boy, I’ll buy him a rifle and a bottle of Jack Daniels so he and Grandpa can shoot ducks together.
Have fun raising Mary’s and Heather’s baby! Greet him or her with flowers and candy!
P.S. Could you please send me a picture of the two of you together? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You're his favorite Vice-Couple. He had the picture of the Vice President that you sent him, but he traded it to a friend for two Rumsfelds and a Wolfowitz. Kids!