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Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Senator Trent Lott
487 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Senator Lott,

     The ghost of Strom Thurmond is smiling down on you from the All-White Section of Heaven tonight!

     You’re back in business!  It’s been a long, hard climb, but I just want to be the first to say:

     “Welcome Aboard!”

     Well, you’re not all the way back yet.  When they kicked you out for what the Liberals called “racial insensitivity,” you were Senate Majority Leader.  Now you’re only the Minority Leader.   And it’s true!  Whites are a minority in this country now!  Just ask Lou Dobbs!

     Remember when you were at Strom Thurmond’s hundredth birthday party and you said you were proud that Mississippi voted for him for president?  Here’s the “racially insensitive” remark you made:

“If the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years."

     What was “racially insensitive” about that?  Strom Thurmond was speaking for all Americans when he said:

“There's not enough troops in the army to force the Southern people to break down segregation and admit the nigra race into our theaters, into our swimming pools, into our homes, and into our churches.”

      You see?  Strom Thurmond was way ahead of his time!  His point was: We need more troops!  If he had been president, the army would have gotten more troops, we would have won in Vietnam, we would have won in Iraq, and we wouldn’t have had all these problems over the years!

POP QUIZ!

Question: Who holds the Senate record for the longest filibuster?

Answer: Strom Thurmond--24 hours and 18 minutes!  He was trying to stop the Civil Rights Act, which made it possible for black to vote sometimes.

     Do you think now that you’re Senate Minority Leader, you’ll go for the record?  I’ve got five bucks that says you can do it!  What do you think you’ll filibuster?  Minimum wage?  Stem cell research?  No, save it for something important!  Like, if the Democrats try to take away My President’s Constitutional right to torture people in secret prisons--filibuster that!

     By the way, I made up a song.  Want to hear it?  Here it is.  Sing it to the tune of “Dixie”:

Oh, I wish I was in the land of Thurmond,
No Hakims, or Wangs, or Bermans,
KKK!  KKK!  KKK!
Thurmondland!
In Thurmondland we had no welfare slackers,
No brie cheese, but lots of crackers,
KKK!  KKK!  KKK!
Thurmondland!
I wish I was in Thurmond,
KK, and K.
In Thurmondland the Ten Commandments
Are The Law in Thurmond.
One K,
Two K’s,
Three K’s, no gays in Thurmond!
One K,
Two K’s,
Three K’s, no gays in Thurmond!

     Maybe when you’re breaking Strom Thurmond’s filibuster record, if you run out of things to say, you can sing that song.  You’ll bring the house down!

     Speaking of bringing the house down, did you hear about Michael Richards, the guy who used to be Kramer on the Seinfeld show?  He melted down in a comedy club and called some black hecklers the n-word.  Here’s what else he said:

"Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f------ fork up your a--."

     You see?  If Strom Thurmond had been president, those black guys would never have been allowed in that comedy club in the first place, and then Michael Richards wouldn’t be having all these problems.

     Do you think Michael Richards can come back?  Mel Gibson did!  You did!  Michael Richards will too!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada


P.S.  Extra Credit Question: What do Strom Thurmond and Thomas Jefferson have in common?

Answer: They both fathered children to their black slaves.  (If you didn’t say slaves, I’ll give you half credit.  Carrie Butler was Strom’s maid.)

P.P.S.  Will you please send me a photo?  Autographed?  Make it out to my grandson, Lester.  You’re his favorite!  He likes you even better than George Wallace!

 

 
 
 
 
 


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