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Monday, April 24, 2006
Yo Dude! I was up all night at my girlfriend’s house playing my new video game? The game’s called, “Little George: World Domination!” Dude! It was epic!
Level One’s a cinch! You start out with your dude called Little George, and he’s running for president, and all you gotta do is hack into a bunch of voting machines for him to win.
Level Two gets harder, but there’s a secret to it. There’s these planes that want to fly into some tall buildings. Don’t blow them up! You’ll just get sent back to Level One. Here’s what you do: Nothing! Just make Little George chill and watch the buildings blow up and you’ll be on to Level Three!
The audio in Level Three is awesome! Little George keeps saying, “9-11! 9-11! 9-11!” And all the dudes that blew up the buildings are in Afghanastan and Pakistan and Saudi Arabia. But don’t attack them or you’ll be back to hacking voting machines in Level One.
No dude, there’s this country called Iraq and you gotta go there and bomb the bejesus out of ‘em. And then these dudes called Shiites and Sunnis and Baathists and Kurds start blowing up anything that moves, so Little George says, “Bring me the head of Saddam Hussein!” and you gotta send your army right in the middle with no body armour so they can get blown up too.
I don’t even know how I got past Level Three. All I know is my dude’s were trying to shoot their way out of a circle and all of a sudden it says, “Level Four.”
So then there’s this country next door to Iraq called Iran? And Iran wants nukes, only it’s going to take them about ten years to build one? So, there’s 400 sites where maybe they’re building a nuke. And Little George has to nuke ‘em, but every time he does, something happens like they cut off his oil supply? Or Russia and China get mad and nuke Little George. One time I tried to nuke North Korea but they just nuked me back.
Anyway, “Little George: World Domination” is the most excellent video game! I was up all night and I never made it past Level Four. I always ended up blowing up the world. I’m going over to my girl friend’s tonight to see if I can make it to Level Five. If I figure out how, I’ll let you know, dude.
Brad Cahoon here. Rock on!
The oceans are rising! Forests are burning! Terrorists on the loose! Donald Trump is running amok!
This is a job for.... Carl Estrada!
This is a job for.... Carl Estrada!
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