Vice President Dick Chainy
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500

Dear Vice President Chainy,

Nice shot, dude!

I was over at my girl friend’s house and she’s like, got a TV? And I was like watching it? And then this dude with good hair comes on and he’s like, “We interrupt this programming to announce Vice President Dick Chainy just whacked his hunting bud by spraying his dome with buck shot!”

And I’m like, “Dude! This is so bogus! I was watching the National Skateboard Finals and they interrupt it for this?!”

So I’m like seriously bummed cuz the dude with good hair keeps going on and on and he’s like, “Vice President Chainy went home and ate a quail full of pellets and then he crashed and got up the next morning and didn’t even tell anybody that he whacked his bud till it got leaked 21 hours later,” and I’m like, “Dude! It’s gonna be 21 hours before we get back to the Skateboard Finals!”

And then the dude with good hair is like, “The local cops are all hacked off cuz the Secret Service wouldn’t let them ask the big guy any questions.”

And I’m like, “Those cops are gonna have to get their news from FOX, just like everybody else.” And seeing as my local network blew off the Skateboard Finals, I flipped the channel to FOX so I could get some fair and balanced news.

And there’s this other dude with good hair on FOX and he’s like:

“Yesterday, Vice President Dick Chainy was on a hunting trip with his bud, Harry Whittington, and when his servants threw a bunch of quails up in the air, dude got out of his limo to whack one with his .28, but Whittington was a bonehead cuz he sneaked up behind Chainy to pick up a quail he had whacked and Chainy saw his bright orange vest and like anybody would, he thought it was a quail and he whacked it, except he didn’t whack a quail--he whacked Whittington, but the main thing was that it was Whittington’s fault that Chainy whacked him cuz he shouldn’t have snuck up behind to pick up the quail.”

And I’m like, “How many beers does it take to make a dude in an orange vest look like a quail?”

And then the FOX dude with the good hair is like, “Whittington is doing awesome in ICU and he’s joking around and dude’ll be out of the hospital and whacking quails in no time,” and Whittington dude is like, “Hey, no problem--I like it when Vice President Chainy unloads his .28 on my dome.”

So, today I’m over at my girl friends house? And I’m watching her TV? And the FOX dude with the good hair comes on again and he’s like, “Whittington dude is awesome after a mild heart attack from the buck shot that lodged near his heart from when Vice President Chainy whacked him.”

And I’m like, “Whoa! There are dark secrets that must not be told! Don’t mess with Chainy! He’ll take you quail hunting and whack you. Dead men tell no tales!”

And then I’m like, “Hunting with Chainy is an extreme sport. Dude must be lonely now that nobody wants to hunt with him anymore. ”

And then I’m like, “Dude! I’m into extreme sports! Maybe dude’ll take me quail hunting!”

Whoa! I’m all over that one! I’ve never hunted from a limo before! I’ll even split the cost of beer!

What does quail full of pellets taste like?

Just say the word, dude, and I’ll be your hunting bud. Can I wear a helmet?

Rock on!
Brad Cahoon