Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Pat Robertson 12-05

Marion “Pat” Robertson
The Christian Broadcast Network
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, VA 23463

Dear Marion “Pat” Robertson,

I just want to be the first to say “Welcome Aboard!” You’re in the big leagues now!

I got your glossy post card announcing that your show is going to be aired on FOX-TV! You won the lottery! I knew all those years of living out of your car and eating peanut butter sandwiches would pay off! No more 700 Club for you! You’ll have to call it “The Seven Thousand Club” now!

Now that The Seven Thousand Club is going to be on FOX-TV, will it be “fair and balanced?” I just wondered because the old 700 Club used to lean pretty heavy towards Christianity. Now that you’re on the “fair and balanced” network, you might want to mix in a few Muslims or Hare Krishnas. You could have Jerry Falwell debate the Grand Ayatollah Sistani. You could have James Dobson debate the Dalai Lama. You could have Mel Gibson go mano a mano with Woody Allen.

Thank you for my glossy postcard! I will always treasure it! I see it was bulk mail, so I guess you sent it to lots of other people besides me. That must have cost you a fortune! Oh well, now that you’re in the big time at FOX-TV, I guess you can splurge.

Your wife, Tammy Faye Bakker looks great! I guess, now that you’re on FOX-TV, you made her get rid of the clown make-up, fix her hair, and get botoxed. Good move! I bet you’re wondering why you didn’t make her do that a long time ago! With 20/20 hindsight, it’s easy to see why you were spinning your wheels at your little CBN station for so many years. Hint: It wasn’t your fault! And it wasn’t that guy who’s sitting in front of Tammy Faye in the picture.

By the way, who is that guy who’s sitting in front of Tammy Faye in the picture? I should give you the heads-up that she’s got her hand on his back. I’m sure it’s innocent, but when you’re on TV, appearances are everything! Also, he looks a lot younger than you--that’s the trouble with being old and marrying a younger woman. It’s hard to keep up. And then, you get so tired from being on the lookout for other horses in your stall, you sometimes miss what’s going on right under your nose.

Like in that glossy picture--you don’t even seem to notice that your wife, Tammy Faye, has her hand on that guy’s back and he’s got this smug, self-satisfied grin on his face. Put on your glasses, Marion “Pat” Robertson! Wake up and smell the oats!

I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe she has a puppet act. It sort of looks like he’s a puppet and she’s controlling him from behind and trying to talk without moving her lips. It’s hard to tell from the picture if her lips are moving or not.

Anyway, I know how spendy it is to print up and mail all those glossy postcards, so I’m sending you a quarter to help with the expenses. Will you please send me a receipt?

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

P.S. I know you talk to the Lord all the time, so could you do me a favor and ask Him what the over/under is for if Our President gets impeached this year?