Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger
14215 Sunset Blvd.
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
Dear Mr. Schwarzenegger,
I just love your movies--especially Terminator I. I loved when you were scanning the computer in your brain for the right response and you said, "Fock you, Ahss-hole." That was great! And of course, "I'll be bock."
I hear you're running for Governor of California. They need you! You could be the next Reagan: First Hollywood, then California Republican Governor, then the White House! You'll have to wait in line though--I think Jeb gets to go next.
As Governor Schwarznegger, what will your position on ketchup be? Reagan thought it counted as a vegetable for school lunches. Do you think ketchup is a vegetable? Speaking of schools, will you leave any child behind?
Speaking of Jeb, he used his family clout to stick you guys in California with off-shore drilling. Would you use your Hollywood clout to send those oil companies right back to Florida where they belong? If Jeb gives you any problems, you could just call him up and say, "Fock you, Ahss-hole. I'll be bock." Then watch those oil riggers scramble back to the Atlantic!
How do you like your Humvees? I heard you have five! That's one more than Mike Tyson! Are you going to ride them in your Inaugural Parade? I know they¹re bad on gas, but I guess it wouldn¹t look right to see Arnold Schwarzenegger riding around in a Honda.
Schwarzenegger for Governor! Then for President! (After Jeb.)
P.S. Would you mind sending me a picture of yourself? Signed, if it's not too much trouble. It's for my grandson, Lester. You can make it out to him. He prays for you every night. My wife and I do too.