Sunday, September 18, 2005
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
Guess what? I have a new job! Ive become a literary agent!
Thats right--Im now representing this guy who wrote The Book of Bob. Im not just saying this because hes my client--I really mean it: This is a great book!
I think Youd love to read it on Your next vacation. Its got everything You like--religion, wars, floods--its even got a guy whos just like You!
Its true! His name is Delbert Thorne and hes the Chosen Leader of the Free Nation. Hes got an enormous--whoops! I dont want to give the story away, but Delbert Thorne is my favorite character because its really funny how hes always having trouble finding a good Secretary of Religion.
Kind of like You with FEMA.
But The Book of Bob isnt only about Delbert Thorne. Its got a guy named Bob who talks to God. God tells Bob to call Him Dad. Dad makes Bob take dictation for a new book Hes writing, and then sends Bob out to be His p.r. guy.
Kind of like what Im doing for my client.
The Book of Bob has a lots of whacky characters--Sophia Wise, whose goal in life is to cover her entire body with tattoos. Theres Roland Brand--I know youll like him--hes Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Jim Jones, and Elvis, all rolled into one!
Theres a really funny guy named Ivan Bunt who rides around in a wheelchair because he lost his legs in the war, and he yells things like, Bash my bananas! and Pound my pies!
Anyway, Id highly recommend The Book of Bob for Your fall vacation reading list. Ill even send You a free copy! All You have to do is ask and Ill send it right away--I wont even charge You for shipping!
In case You think Im being too generous, I have to admit--theres something in it for me, too. Can you imagine if Diane Sawyer asked Laura (Your wife) what her husband was reading on His vacation, and Laura said, The Book of Bob? Sales would go through the roof! It would be better than getting on Oprahs list!
Ill look for Your letter in the mail. I know Youre busy making the world SAFE!, so You dont have time for a lot of chit-chat. Just say: Carl, send Me The Book of Bob, and Ill rush it to You in time for Your next vacation!
Ill even send You two so Laura (Your wife) can have her own copy!
P.S. My client says hell autograph them for You. And it wont be from one of those autograph machines--hell sign it himself!