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This is a job for.... Carl Estrada!
 
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

Guess what? I have a new job! I’ve become a literary agent!

That’s right--I’m now representing this guy who wrote The Book of Bob. I’m not just saying this because he’s my client--I really mean it: This is a great book!

I think You’d love to read it on Your next vacation. It’s got everything You like--religion, wars, floods--it’s even got a guy who’s just like You!

It’s true! His name is Delbert Thorne and he’s the Chosen Leader of the Free Nation. He’s got an enormous--whoops! I don’t want to give the story away, but Delbert Thorne is my favorite character because it’s really funny how he’s always having trouble finding a good Secretary of Religion.

Kind of like You with FEMA.

But The Book of Bob isn’t only about Delbert Thorne. It’s got a guy named Bob who talks to God. God tells Bob to call Him “Dad.” Dad makes Bob take dictation for a new book He’s writing, and then sends Bob out to be His p.r. guy.

Kind of like what I’m doing for my client.

The Book of Bob has a lots of whacky characters--Sophia Wise, whose goal in life is to cover her entire body with tattoos. There’s Roland Brand--I know you’ll like him--he’s Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Jim Jones, and Elvis, all rolled into one!

There’s a really funny guy named Ivan Bunt who rides around in a wheelchair because he lost his legs in the war, and he yells things like, “Bash my bananas!” and “Pound my pies!”

Anyway, I’d highly recommend The Book of Bob for Your fall vacation reading list. I’ll even send You a free copy! All You have to do is ask and I’ll send it right away--I won’t even charge You for shipping!

In case You think I’m being too generous, I have to admit--there’s something in it for me, too. Can you imagine if Diane Sawyer asked Laura (Your wife) what her husband was reading on His vacation, and Laura said, The Book of Bob? Sales would go through the roof! It would be better than getting on Oprah’s list!

I’ll look for Your letter in the mail. I know You’re busy making the world SAFE!, so You don’t have time for a lot of chit-chat. Just say: “Carl, send Me The Book of Bob,” and I’ll rush it to You in time for Your next vacation!

I’ll even send You two so Laura (Your wife) can have her own copy!

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

P.S. My client says he’ll autograph them for You. And it won’t be from one of those autograph machines--he’ll sign it himself!

 

 
 
 
 
 


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