President George W. Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
I didnt know You were a picker!
I saw that picture of You strumming a guitar while Hurricane Katrina was wiping out the Gulf Coast, and I thought, What a coincidence! My President plays guitar and so do I!
I have to admit, its been a long time since Ive played, but I used to pick a pretty mean gi-tar in my day. I have a question:
Is that chord Youre playing the opening chord to Hard Days Night?
The reason I ask is, Ive been trying to figure out the Hard Days Night chord ever since the Beatles played that song in 65! And I think maybe the chord Youre playing is the one Ive been looking for. If I didnt know better, Id say You were playing a G chord. But being a guitar buff, I know a G chord is on the second and third frets, and Your fingers are on the third and fourth frets.
I think the chord Youre playing is a G Demolished.
Did you notice Mark Wills, the country singer who gave You the guitar, looks worried? Hes got his hand under Your G Demolished chord, and he looks like hes ready to catch it if it falls off.
But while You were playing Your G Demolished chord, who would have known that New Orleans and Mississippi were also getting demolished, thousands of people were dying, and in just two days Youd have to cut Your vacation short?
Speaking of Hurricane Katrina, did you hear what Your mother said about the refugees? Heres what she said:
"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas."
When I heard Your mother say that, I thought, Maybe My President is taking this Compassionate Conservative thing a little too far! I thought, Maybe My President doesnt recognize the urgency of the situation. I thought:
How can He stand there pickin and grinnin while poor, starving, African-American refugees are moving into Texas and planning to stay there???!!!
But then I heard what You told Michael Brown, and I knew You were way ahead of me. (Michael Brown is the Arabian horse expert who You picked to run FEMA. Maybe You forgot because You always call him Brownie.) Heres what You told Michael Brown:
Brownie, youre doing a heckuva job!
When You said that, I thought, Thats why My President can strum his guitar while New Orleans is drowning! He can kick back and relax because Brownies out there doing a heckuva job ordering 1000 workers into New Orleans just five hours after the hurricane hit!
Also, Brownie did a heckuva job with storm damage control. Heres what he told his FEMA staff in a memo:
"Convey a positive image of disaster operations to government officials, community organisations and the general public."
Brownie also did a heckuva job of keeping those refugees locked up and safe in the Superdome. Thats why Your mother said:
"And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."
Its true! Most of those underprivileged African-Americans have never had enough money to go to a Saints game, and now they get to be in the Superdome for free! And--as long as theyre in the Superdome, theyll stay out of Texas! Its a win-win situation!
POP QUIZ: How would You most like to spend Your vacation?
a) Six days in the New Orleans Superdome with no food, water, air conditioning, or sanitation
b) Naked and humiliated in Abu Ghraib
c) Held indefinitely in a stress position at Guantanamo
You see? Its a no-brainer! You got Your vacation in Crawford and the underprivileged African-American refugees got theirs in the Superdome!
By the way, if Youre ever in the area, bring Your guitar and we can jam. You can show me the Hard Days Night chord and Ill teach You how to play a G chord.
Whoops! What am I thinking? How can I teach You anything? Im just a neighborhood grocer, and Youre My President!
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