Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Marion “Pat” Robertson
CBN Partner Correspondence
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23463

Dear Marion “Pat” Robertson,

This is an outrage! Once again, the liberal media has distorted your words!

When you were talking about Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela, and you said:

“I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it . . . ”

. . . they took the whole thing out of context! If they had bothered to listen, they’d know you didn’t mean assassinate when you said “assassinate!” Here’s what else you said :

“We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.”

You see? It’s just like you said-- “Take him out” could mean anything! Maybe you meant kidnap him. Maybe you meant “take him out” of the country. Maybe you meant “take him out” to a ballgame. Who knows?

I have a question: Are you gay?

The reason I ask is, maybe you meant you’d like to take Hugo Chavez out--maybe to dinner and a movie? He’s a pretty good-looking guy.

I think you’re too old for him, but what do I know? Charlie Chaplin married a twenty-year-old when he was eighty. Jerry Lee Lewis married his fourteen-year-old cousin. You can’t argue with chemistry. You just have to keep an open mind.

Would your wife, Tammy Faye Bakker be upset if you took Hugo Chavez out? I hope not. I hate it when she cries and all her make-up gets smeared.

Speaking of Jerry Lee Lewis, do you know who his cousin is? Here’s a hint: He’s my Favorite TV Evangelist of All-Time!

No, it’s not you. You’re my second favorite. Don’t worry--there’s no shame in being second. There’s a lot of competition out there!

My Favorite TV Evangelist of All-Time is: Jimmy Swaggart!

Remember when he cried and blubbered, “I’m SO-O-O SO-O-O-ORY! Lord, I’ve SINNED!”

That was when he got caught in a seedy hotel with a hooker. That was much worse than what you did! All you did was say Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela should be “taken out.”

Do you think you’ll apologize on TV like Jimmy Swaggart? If you do, don’t ask your wife, Tammy Faye, to go on with you. Like I said--her make-up . . .

Anyway, remember last year when the Lord told you Our President would win in a landslide? It turned out a lot closer than the Lord predicted, and He had to jam a few voting machines in Ohio to pull it off, but it in the end, He made his over-under. Which just goes to show--never bet against the House!

Did the Lord tell you we should take out Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela? Who else does the Lord want us to take out? I guess he doesn’t want us to take out Bin Laden, because Our President talks to the Lord all the time, and he still hasn’t taken Bin Laden out.

I guess you could say we took out Saddam Hussein. We took him out of a hole, and put him in another hole. We also took out 100,000 Iraqis, but now Iraq is free and we’ve made the world safe from terror.

How many people does the Lord want us to take out? Maybe you should publish a list so we can get started.

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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