Mr. Karl Turd Blossom Rove
Deputy Chief of Staff
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear Karl Turd Blossom Rove,
Did you notice I called you Turd Blossom? It wasnt my idea to call you Turd Blossom. Im just a neighborhood grocer. I could never think of anything that clever. I dont want to give away the identity of the guy who made up your nickname, Turd Blossom, because I dont want you to get mad at Him. So Ill just give you a clue: Hes Laura Bushs husband.
I heard you and Scooter Libby didnt tell those reporters that Joseph Wilsons wife is a CIA spy after all. They told you! Now it makes sense! I bet you get all your top secret information from Michael Cooper and Bob Novak! How else would you stay in the loop?
By the way, did you know Scooter Libby works for Lynne Cheneys husband? I dont want to reveal Lynne Cheneys husbands name because, if you didnt tell Cooper and Novak about Joseph Wilsons wife, and Scooter Libby didnt tell them, that narrows the field. Who could it be?
It wouldnt be Laura Bushs husband, because how would He know?
I dont think Alma Powells husband would out a CIA spy, even if he was the senior State Department official who delivered the memo to you on Air Force One. You know--the one that was marked (S) for secret and named Joseph Wilsons wife--the one you didnt read.
Maybe it was Rebecca Fleischers husband who didnt out the CIA spy. Do you know who Rebecca Fleischers husband is? Ill give you two hints:
Hint #1: Rebecca Fleischers husband used to have the job press secretary Scott McClellan has now.
Hint #2: Rebecca Fleischers husband was much better at it than Jill Martinez-McClellans husband.
Anyway, Rebecca Fleischers husband was seen on Air Force One reading the secret memo that Alma Powells husband brought on board that named Joseph Wilsons wife. I guess Rebecca Fleischers husband pocketed the memo because nobody else has seen it. He must be pretty proud to know something that even Laura Bushs husband and Lynne Cheneys husband didnt know!
Speaking of Lynne Cheney--did you know she wrote a book? Its true! She wrote a book called Sisters. Its got everything--a great story, steamy sex, love, adventure, and more steamy sex. Heres a sample:
Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl.
The reason Im telling you about Lynne Cheneys book is sometimes we find ourselves with lots of free time on our hands, and when we do, its a great time to catch up on our reading. Maybe Ill make you a list of my favorite books--just in case.
Another book Id like to recommend if you have free time is Born Again by Chuck Colson--whoops--Patricia Colsons husband. Patricia Colsons husband once said, God take me as I am! That was right before Alabamas Maxwell Prison took him as he was for being a Watergate co-conspirator.
(S) MEMO: VIOLA ESTRADAS HUSBAND TO TURD BLOSSOM:
We have enemies among us! The Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald is breathing down your neck! The CIA is turning on you! Did you hear what the former CIA analyst, Larry Johnson said? Heres what he said:
Call the ugly dog the ugly dog!
At least he didnt say call the ugly dog a Turd Blossom. But he wasnt finished! Then he said:
"Where are these men and women with any integrity to speak out against this? I expect better behavior out of Republicans."
And Larry Johnsons a Republican! Hes the one who should be arrested for treason!
Fight back! Take no prisoners! Give those liberals who are accusing you of being a traitor the old Turd Blossom treatment and theyll knuckle under faster than you can say high crimes and misdemeanors!
Viola Estradas Husband