Mr. Karl Rove
Deputy Chief of Staff
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. Rove,
Treason is in the air, and we have to get to the bottom of it!
Somewhere lurking in Our Presidents inner circle is a traitor who leaked the identity of a CIA spy! The disgusting little slimebag did it to get revenge on Ambassador Joseph Wilson, for saying:
I have little choice but to conclude that some of the intelligence related to Iraq's nuclear weapons program was twisted to exaggerate the Iraqi threat.
We have to find the scumbag who did this! Dont get me wrong--I dont think Joseph Wilson had any right to call Our President a liar. Hes still Our President! Those liberals are such hypocrites! They think its ok for Clinton to lie about having sex with an intern, but when Our President lies so He can start a war and free the world, all of a sudden theyre all whining Hes as bad as Hitler!
Thats so unfair! Hitler murdered and tortured a lot more people than Our President has! Also, Hitler didnt make secret arrests--he did it right out in the open.
But, I know you and I are on the same page when I say that anybody who would out a CIA spy is the worst kind of cockroach imaginable! Our President thinks so, too. Heres what He said:
I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious traitors.
By the way, remind Him to stop using big words like insidious. People dont like it when He uses big words. It makes Him sound like John Kerry.
Anyway, we know you werent the rancid little rat who outted the CIA agent, because two years ago, when a reporter asked this question:
"Did you have any knowledge or did you leak the name of the CIA agent to the press?"
Heres what you said:
Not only that, but heres what Press Secretary Scott McClellan called the charge:
So, you never outted a CIA spy, and to say so was totally ridiculous.
Then Our President said:
If there's a leak out of my administration, I wanna know who it is. Uh . . . and . . . if the person has violated law, that person will be taken care of.
So, you never outted a CIA spy, to say so was totally ridiculous, and if you broke the law, youd be taken care of.
Then, last week, your trial lawyer said you never knowingly disclosed classified information.
So, you never outted a CIA spy, to say so was totally ridiculous, and anyway, if you did out a CIA spy, you didnt do it knowingly, and if you broke the law, youd be taken care of.
Then, the Time reporter, Matt Cooper, released his emails and guess what? Just a few days before Valerie Plame got outted in the press, you told him Joseph Wilsons wife works for the agency on wmd.
You see? You never mentioned her name! How do we know which wife of Joseph Wilsons you were talking about? He probably has lots of wives who work for the CIA! Tell that to Rush Limbaugh. He loves that kind of thing. You can tell him its a rumor you heard from the husband of Viola Estrada.
So, you never outted a CIA spy, to say so was totally ridiculous, and anyway, if you did out a CIA spy, you didnt do it knowingly, and besides, you never said her name, and if you broke the law, youd be taken care of.
Also, maybe Valerie Plame was just an analyst, not a spy. How can you out a covert spy who maybe isnt a covert spy after all?
So, you never outted a CIA spy, to say so was totally ridiculous, and anyway, if you did out a CIA spy, you didnt do it knowingly, and besides, you never said her name, and maybe she wasnt a covert spy after all, and if you broke the law, youd be taken care of.
I hope we can catch the putrid little maggot who outted the CIA spy soon! Our national security is at risk!
Maybe you should say there are thousands of Joseph Wilsons. You could say the wife of the Joseph Wilson you were talking about lives in Carney, Nebraska.
But dont say her name.