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Tuesday, October 05, 2004
October 6, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

Didn’t You love The Big Guy last night? It just goes to show! Put a guy with experience and gravity who’s in command of the facts up against a lightweight, and the lightweight gets creamed every time!

I’ve been thinking about how we can salvage this debate disaster that’s all James “The Handler” Baker’s fault because he screwed up the negotiations on the rules. I have some ideas for the next debate:

What if the Flip-Flopping Frenchman reminds people that your Iraq administrator Paul Bremer said:

“We never had enough troops on the ground... We paid a big price for not stopping (the violence and looting) because it established an atmosphere of lawlessness.”

Here’s what You say:

“If you couldn’t stand up to the pressures that Howard Dean represented, how can we expect you to stand up to al-Qaeda?”

Don’t ask me how I think of these things. They just come to me!

What if the Flip-Flopping Frenchman brings up Rumsfeld’s testimony at the Council of Foreign Relations when they asked him about the link between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda, and Rumsfeld said:

“To my knowledge, I have not seen any strong, hard evidence that links the two."

No problem! Here’s what You say:

“The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight."

Say it! Trust me--it’ll work! OK--one more. What if the Flip-Flopping Frenchman starts quoting Our Man in Iraq, Charles Duelfer who said:

“I still do not expect that militarily significant WMD stocks are cached in Iraq...While it is clear that Saddam wanted a long-range missile, there was little work done on warheads. It is apparent that he drew the line at that point ... so long as sanctions remained."

Hit it out of the park! Here’s what You say:

“Senator, frankly, you have a record in the Senate that's not very distinguished.”

You see? If You wouldn’t be so stubborn and just take my advice once in a while, we wouldn’t be having all these problems.

Speaking of problems, we have a big one! Last night, the Vice-President of the United States misled the American people! It’s true! Remember when the Inexperienced Pretty-Boy Lawyer said:

“The vice president's company that he was CEO of, that did business with sworn enemies of the United States, paid millions of dollars in fines for providing false financial information, it's under investigation for bribing foreign officials.

“The same company that got a $7.5 billion no-bid contract, the rule is that part of their money is supposed to be withheld when they're under investigation...they're getting every dime of their money.”


And that’s when Cheney misled the American people! Here’s what he said:

“If you go...to factcheck.com, an independent Web site sponsored by the University of Pennsylvania, you can get the specific details with respect to Halliburton.”

Well, I went to factcheck.com and here’s what I found:

WHY WE MUST NOT RE-ELECT PRESIDENT BUSH
A personal message from George Soros

PRESIDENT BUSH IS HURTING OUR SAFETY, ENDANGERING OUR VITAL INTERESTS, AND UNDERMINING OUR VALUES.


And that’s just the beginning! Soros goes on and on and you’ll never guess what he wants people to do: He wants them to vote for The Flip-Flopping Frenchman instead of You!

Why would Cheney tell people to go to factcheck.com? He knows it’s factcheck.org that’s jumping to his defense! Here’s how factcheck.org jumped to his defense:

“Cheney wrongly implied that FactCheck had defended his tenure as CEO of Halliburton Co., and the vice president even got our name wrong.”

What’s Cheney up to? I hate to be the one to have to tell You this, but I think I know. Remember when Cheney was talking about why he was a good vice-president and he said:

“I think it's worked in part because I made it clear that I don't have any further political aspirations myself.”

Hmm...I smell something fishy! Why would he mislead the American people and direct them to George Soros’ website so they could read about how You’re “hurting our safety, endangering our vital interests, and undermining our values...?”

Why would they sneak up on You with a split screen when it was supposed to be against the rules?

Why would Cheney show You up by thinking of all those great “zingers” and not giving You any to use?

There can only be one answer: Cheney wants Your job! Watch Your back, Sir! Betrayal is in the air!

From now on, don’t take Cheney’s advice on anything! It might be a trap! Just keep listening to me and we’ll see if we can get through this thing.

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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