Tuesday, September 21, 2004
September 22, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
Is Your wife (Laura) mad at me? The reason I ask is when You wrote me on September 10, you said, “Your support means a lot to Laura and me.” But just four days later, You wrote me again but this time You never mentioned Laura.
I don’t know what I said, but could You please tell her not to take things so personally? Politicians need a thick skin! So do their wives. I know you know that my advice and constructive criticisms are just one average citizen’s attempt to help Our President rule His country!
Anyway, I’m glad You’re writing back so much faster now. I guess now that I’ve made it through “screening procedures,” things should go a lot quicker.
But we have bigger fish to fry today! Iraq! Did You hear what the Flip-Flopping Frenchman is saying now? Yesterday he said You were living in “a world of spin.” Today he says You’re living in “Fantasyland.”
You see? He’s flip-flopping again! The guy just can’t make up his mind!
He also said You’ve created a “crisis of historic proportions” and You’ve made a series of “catastrophic decisions,” based on “colossal failures of judgment.”
What a pessimist! Those Republican traitors Hagel and Lugar and McCain are a bunch of pessimists, too! If they’d just shut up and listen to You for a minute, they’d learn:
“We know that dictators are quick to choose aggression, while free nations strive to resolve differences in peace."
“It's tough as heck in Iraq right now because people are trying to stop democracy. These people are trying to shake the will of the Iraqi citizens, and they want us to leave. And I think the world would be better off if we did leave--If we didn't -- if we left, the world would be worse."
“The world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell.”
Question: If the Flip-Flopping says You’ve turned a budget surplus into a half trillion dollar debt, or if he says You’ve lost millions of jobs, or if he calls You “arrogant and incompetent,” what do You say?
Answer: “The world is better off with Saddam Hussein sitting in a prison cell.”
Never let it be said that Our President Who is a Strong and Decisive Leader doesn’t stay on message!
Speaking of traitors, did You hear Your Brother-in-Arms Tony Blair is saying he hopes the Flip-Flopping Frenchman will win? Here’s what You should do:
And while You’re at it, fire his Ambassador to Italy, Sir Ivor Roberts. Do You know what he called You? He called You “al Qaeda’s best recruiting sergeant.” Fire Sir Ivor Roberts, too!
Fire Abel Pacheco! He’s the President of Costa Rica. They were part of the Coalition of the Willing, but now they’re not willing anymore. Fire Pacheco!
And while you’re at it, fire Kofi Annan for lecturing us and saying, “Today the rule of law is at risk around the world, again and again we see laws shamelessly disregarded."
Fire Kofi Annan! In fact, I think You should go back to the UN and fire the whole lot of them for not clapping louder for Your speech! They didn’t stand or bow or anything!
“United Nations: “YOU’RE FIRED!” Just like Donald Trump!
Did You hear Donald Trump is bankrupt too?
Don’t fire Berlusconi. He’s on Your side. Also, keep that Australian guy. He’d do anything for You!
Four more decades!