Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, September 08, 2004
September 9, 2004
Vice President Dick Cheney
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. Vice President,

Now I’m REALLY SCARED! I’ve been chewing holes in my sleeve ever since you said:

“It's absolutely essential that...on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States."

There you go! The only way I can be SAFE! from terrorist attack is to re-elect Our President Who is a Decisive Leader!

Mr. Vice President, I’m REALLY SCARED! I just want to be SAFE! What if the Democrats trick everybody into voting for the Flip-Flopping Jane Fonda-Loving, Undistinguished Liberal French Senator from Massachusetts Who Faked His War Injuries and Wasn’t a War Hero After All instead of Our President Who is a Decisive Leader?! I won’t be SAFE! anymore!

I need Our President Who is a Decisive Leader to make me SAFE! But the Flip-Flopping Frenchman is fooling everybody with his smears and lies! He’s tricking them into believing Our President’s Iraq policy is “catastrophic!”

He’s making everybody think Our President Who is a Decisive Leader bombed the wrong country and it cost us 200 billion dollars and counting!

And now the Flip-Flopping Frenchman is saying Our President’s “wrong” choices have caused “spreading violence, growing extremism, havens for terrorists that weren't there before...!"

(By the way, the Flip-Flopping Frenchman says the “W” in George W. Bush stands for “Wrong.” It doesn’t, does it? I always thought it stood for Dubya. Could you ask Him?)

I was really sad to hear the news today: 1000 Americans Killed in Iraq! But then, Tom Ridge reminded me the terrorists still want to attack and I have to stay on my toes! And guess what? Right after Tom Ridge told me to stay on my toes, I forgot all about the 1000 Americans killed! I forgot about the 7000 Americans wounded! I forgot about the 13,000 Iraqi civilians killed! Small price to pay! The world is a DANGEROUS PLACE! and I just want to be SAFE!

Besides--we’re winning! Rumsfeld said so! Did you hear him? He said, “We’re making progress.” Just like Our President Who is a Decisive Leader said! Except Our President said, “We’re makin’ progress,” not “making progress.” Same difference. Tomatoes and to-mah-toes.

Our President Who is a Decisive Leader said, “We’re makin’ progress” just a few months after He said, “Mission Accomplished!” We were makin’ progress then, and we’re making progress now. That’s progress!

Also, Rumsfeld said, “Our progress has prompted a backlash, in effect.” So that’s what happened! When the insurgents kicked us out of Fallujah and Samarrah and Ramadi, it was a backlash! I guess, now that the insurgents’ numbers have quadrupled, that’s a backlash too. You see? All these backlashes prove we’re makin’ progress!

Also, thanks for reminding me that Our President Who is a Decisive Leader is the one who put Saddam Hussein behind bars, making me SAFE! Could you please remind me again--if 9-11 was Saddam’s fault and we caught Saddam, why is the world still a DANGEROUS PLACE!?

Anyway, I don’t even want to think about how UNSAFE! I’d be if the Flip-Flopping Frenchman were president! He’d dither around while intelligence reports said we were about to get hit by terrorists! Then, after we got attacked, he’d probably do something really stupid like invade the wrong country and make up a different reason every month!

He’d probably screw up the economy so bad we’d end up borrowing one out of every five dollars we spend! He’d probably insult our allies so much, nobody would want to help us! And what would President Frenchman do about bin Laden?

Speaking of bin Laden, remember when Our President Who is a Decisive Leader said, “I truly am not that concerned about him..."? He wasn’t that concerned about him before 9-11, either. Then after 9-11, He got real concerned! But now He’s “not that concerned” again. Is that because He’s going to catch him in October?

I hope so, because I’m REALLY SCARED! and I want to be SAFE! I want My President Who is a Decisive Leader to protect me from bin Laden! I wonder where bin Laden will strike, now that Saddam has already hit the Twin Towers.

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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