Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Saturday, August 14, 2004
August 15, 2004
Pat Robertson
CBN Partner Correspondence
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23463

Dear Pat,

You must be steaming! I just heard that you weren’t invited to the Republican Convention. Neither was Jerry Falwell. Neither was Franklin Graham. It was a shutout!

And just to rub it in, do you know who did get invited and is going to speak in prime time? The Hollywood Heathen, Arnold Schwarzenegger! Do you know else? The Adultering Heathen Rudy Giulliani!

That’s not all. The pornographer Lynne Cheney is going to be there. Have you read her book? I think you should so you can tell your flock not to read it! It’s called “Sisters.” The heroine is “beautiful and strong-willed, and if that isn’t bad enough, Lynne Cheney’s book has fornication and adultery and incest and contraception. And that’s not all--it has lesbians! Here’s a sample of what one sinning lesbians says to the other:

"Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men."

This is what the Republican party has come to! I thought this was the party of Our Lord and we were finally going to straighten out the mess we we’re in by separating the church from the state and putting it back in the schools and the Congress and the White House where it belongs!

And now this! The Republican Convention is going to be one big orgy of free love and gay marriages and abortions on demand and equal rights for women! They’ll probably be handing out condoms on the convention floor! I knew something was up when I heard they were going to have it in New York!

And after all you’ve done for Our President. You even spoke to God last January, and God told you Our President would “win in a blow-out!” He said it would be a slam-dunk! I’ve got $100 on Our President with 8-5 odds. Do you think I should hedge my bet or put down another $100?

Anyway, I read that you were pretty mad, but then I saw that your Brother-in-Arms, Jerry Falwell took a more philosophical point of view. Here’s what he said:

"I just believe George Bush is as fine a president as we've had in my lifetime...If condemning him will help him, I'll condemn him; if applauding him will help him, I'll applaud him."

And then, the light bulb went on! The Republicans are still the party of God! They just invited Schwarzenegger and Giulliani and Lynne Cheney so the heathen Democrats would be fooled and vote for them! Smart politics!

And if you would quit whining for a minute and listen, I think I have a solution for you. But you’ll have to be like Jerry Falwell and take the high road. Here’s what you should do--start a campaign called:

Fundamentalists for the Flip-Flopping Frenchman!

When the heathen Democrats see that you and Jerry Falwell and all the True Messengers of Our Lord’s word are supporting the Flip-Flopping Frenchman, they’ll think he’s not so great after all, and they’ll vote for Our President again! And then, Our President will owe you big time! Maybe in His second term, He’ll start a new cabinet post and make you the first Secretary of Religion!

Hurry! We’re running out of time! Fundamentalists for the Flip-Flopping Frenchman! Go on the 700 Club and tell everybody right now!

By the way, when you become the first Secretary of Religion, will you use your nickname, “Pat,” or your real name, “Marion?” I think you should go by your real name. Secretary of Religion, Marion Robertson. It sounds more dignified.

Stand by Our President! Put God back in the White House!
Carl Estrada

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