Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Wednesday, August 11, 2004
August 11, 2004
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger,

I still can’t get over it! From Muscle Man to Terminator to Governor! What a ride it’s been!

And now, you get to make the speech of your life at the Republican Convention! What are you going to say? Maybe you should tell everybody to vote for Our President because He’s a MANLY MAN and John Kerry is a “girlie man.”

What did you mean when you said if the California Democrats “don't have the guts (to pass your bill), I call them girlie men."? Was it really just a joke? I heard you tell Jay Leno it was just a joke and people are too sensitive and they should lighten up.

They should! People are too serious these days! Remember when Our President made that joke by pretending to look for WMD(s) under his podium? Guess what? Nobody laughed! What’s wrong with everybody? Just because Iraq is on the verge of civil war and our soldiers are caught in the middle with 900 dead and counting, and Ph.D’s are slinging burgers and the polar ice caps are melting, that’s no reason why we shouldn’t have a good laugh with Our President!

I know if you have to explain a joke, it doesn’t work. But I have a question: Could you explain your “girlie man” joke? My wife, Viola thinks “girlie man” is a compliment. Yesterday she said, “Carl, if a ‘girlie man’ is somebody who cares about other people’s feelings and is honest about their own and doesn’t think the answer to every problem is to punch it in the mouth, then I wish you were more of a ‘girlie man.’ ”

Girls!

Maybe you were angry because you’ve had your feelings hurt so much. Here’s what you told Leno:

"People call me 'girlie man' when I sit at the hairdressing salon and get my hair, you know, blown or get my fingernails polished."

Arnold, how do you feel when people call you “girlie man?”

Did Our President call you a “girlie man” when you sent Him flowers for His birthday? What kind of flowers did you send Him? I like orchids myself. There’s nothing like a beautiful, fragrant orchid to--whoops! I’d better be careful. I don’t want Governor Schwarzenegger calling me a “girlie man!”

I guess you sent flowers to Our President because you wanted to kiss and hug and make up after all the spats you two MANLY MEN have had this year. First Our President wouldn’t help you when you ran for governor. When He was asked why, He said, “I will never arm-wrestle Arnold Schwarzenegger.” Maybe He was afraid you’d make him look like a “girlie man.”

Then you got your BICEPS IN A KNOT because He RIPPED AWAY your funding and He ANNIHILATED your after-school programs and He CRUSHED California by refusing to bail you out, so you PUMMELED HIM on abortion rights and gay rights, and you told Him you wouldn’t GO TO BATTLE for him outside of California, and it was MANO A MANO, and I was worried Our President was going to get Himself into another BLOOD FEUD like He did with John McCain (who is also going to speak at the Convention) and Jacques Chirac and Gerhardt Schroeder and Colin Powell and Saddam Hussein (who are not).

So you can picture how relieved I was to hear Karl Rove say you and Our President have made up in a MANLY way. Here’s what Karl Rove said:

“They’ve developed a friendship.”

Anyway, I’m glad to hear you are going to speak in prime time at the Republican Convention. Now, if we can just get Orin Hatch to hurry up before 2008 and pass that bill allowing Austrians who become American citizens to become president, you’ll be in!

We do have one problem: I heard California Secretary of State, Kevin Shelley say he won’t allow electronic voting machines in California. Do something! Our President is scratching your back by letting you be the star of the convention! Scratch His back! DESTROY Kevin Shelley! Bring back electronic voting machines! Deliver California for Our President!

Here’s a Trivia Question: What do you and John Kerry have in common?

Answer: You both dated Kennedys. You married your Kennedy. Kerry didn’t. Who do you think Maria Kennedy-Shriver-Schwarzenegger will vote for? Does she like her presidents “girlie” or MANLY?

Four More Years til President Schwarzenegger!
Carl Estrada

P.S. Will you please send me a picture of yourself? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite movie-star-turned-governor! He thinks you’re even better than Reagan--as a movie star and a governor! And when you’re president, you’ll be the 2nd Best President of All Time! Nobody will ever be better than George W. Bush--even if you can beat him in arm wrestling!

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