Saturday, August 07, 2004
August 8, 2004
Senator John McCain
241 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington DC 20510
Dear Senator McCain,
“You’re either with us or you’re against us.”
Remember when Our President said that? Senator McCain, no offense, but I’m starting to wonder if you’re on the bus! Just because Our President ran a TV ad showing a bunch of Viet Nam vets who maybe met John Kerry once--and they said that Kerry wasn’t a war hero after all--that he didn’t earn his three purple hearts and one of his wounds was just a scratch and he didn’t really pull that guy out of the river--well, he did, but bullets weren’t flying at the time--and even though Kerry’s Brothers-in-Arms all say those guys weren’t there and they’re a bunch of bald-faced liars--that’s no reason for you to go off like a loose cannon and say:
“I deplore this kind of politics. I think the advertisement is dishonest and dishonourable. It reopens all the old wounds of the Vietnam War, which I spent the last 35 years trying to heal.”
And if that wasn’t bad enough, you had to drive the nail in the coffin:
“I can’t believe the president would pull such a cheap stunt,” you said.
Senator McCain, I know you’re a great American hero, but I think you have a big problem: You hold a grudge. Just because when you ran against Our President in 2000, he ran ads in South Dakota smearing your reputation and questioning your patriotism and accusing you of fathering an illegitimate child, that’s no reason to attack Him now!
Also, remember when they ran those ads against Max Cleland in Georgia? He didn’t really lose two legs and an arm in a Viet Nam battle--he lost them after the battle was over, picking up a grenade that Ann Coulter says he thought was a beer can. And they said he was friends with bin Laden, and just to prove it, they showed Cleland and bin Laden’s pictures right next to each other.
But what do you expect? “Politics ain’t beanbag!” Maybe Our President doesn’t do things the way you would, but everybody has their own style. LBJ used to make people come in the bathroom and talk to him while he was sitting on the toilet. Nixon had his enemies list. Our President runs nasty ads. It’s just His way. I think you should let Our President be Our President and quit carping! Get on board! Stop holding a grudge! Water under the bridge!
By the way, what’s your favorite Broadway musical? Mine is The King and I. Have you seen it? It’ll make you laugh and it’ll make you cry. It’s about the King of Siam (later to be Viet Nam--you and John Kerry know all about that). Anyway, this king is a real tyrant--he and his family live in unbelievable wealth, and they profit on the backs of the poor people. He is ignorant and arrogant and can barely speak English. He declares wars whenever he wants and he abuses his slaves. He’s also bald and has a maroon jumpsuit that Richard Simmons would die for!
But guess what? Everybody loves him! Even the English nanny falls in love with the big lug! How can they not? We all have faults--hate the sin, love the sinner!
Remember the song they sang, “Something Wonderful”? It went like this:
This is a man who thinks with his heart,
His heart is not always wise.
This is a man who stumbles and falls,
But this is a man who tries.
(Uh, oh. I’d better get out my handkerchief.)
This is a man you'll forgive and forgive,
And help protect, as long as you live...
He will not always say
What you would have him say,
But now and then he'll do
(The music is swelling now. You’d better get your hanky, too. This next part will do you in.)
He has a thousand dreams
That won't come true,
You know that he believes in them
And that's enough for you.
(I’m blubbering like a baby! It’s ok if you cry too, Senator! Let it go! Here comes the big crescendo!)
You'll always go along,
Defend him where he's wrong
And tell him, when he's strong
He is Wonderful
He'll always need your love
And so he'll get your love-
A man who needs your love
I’ve completely lost it! Give me a minute to compose myself--deep breath--ok, ok...
You see? Our President is wonderful! Stand up for Him! Make a vow that from now until November, you won’t make one cross statement about Our President. Go to the Republican Convention and make the speech of your life--spread the word that He’s wonderful!
Stand up for Our President! He needs you more than ever!
P.S. Will you please send me a picture of yourself? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite. He prays for you every night.