Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Saturday, July 24, 2004
July 25, 2004
Mel Gibson
23333 Palm Canyon Lane
Malibu, CA 90265-4956

Dear Mr. Gibson,

I just got back from a fact-finding mission in Italy, and I want to report back to you.

Remember when the Pope said your Jesus movie was “the way it was?” Well, not in Italy!

In your movie, they worked Jesus over in slow motion for hours! By the time they crucified him, he was a bloody pulp! Well--breaking news! I bet I walked through every church in Italy last week, and guess what? My feet are really tired!

But also, I couldn’t find one single church that worked Jesus over like you did in your movie. They all told the same story: One nail through each hand, one through his crossed feet, and a bleeding wound in his right rib where they stabbed him.

That’s it! No bloody mess. No innards showing. No muss, no fuss. He actually looked kind of peaceful.

Maybe you’ve been going to Mexican churches. In Mexico, they really work their Jesus over. But even there, I never saw anything as bad as how you beat him up in your movie. Oh well--maybe the special effects weren’t as good as they are now. It’s amazing what they can do!

By the way, I read a magazine on the plane that said Michael Moore was the same as you, only he’s a blue state and you’re a red state. Everybody’s a critic! Who is the liberal media trying to fool? We all know you’re better looking than Michael Moore! And you’re slimmer, too.

You both wear baseball caps--that’s one thing you have in common.

Also, you’re a much better director than Michael Moore. If Fahrenheit 9-11 was your movie, you wouldn’t have shown Our President stumbling around everytime He talked. You would have let Him do more takes til He got it right.

Also, you wouldn’t have shown Him sitting in a classroom with a kindergarten book for seven minutes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights after he found out Saddam Hussein attacked the World Trade Center. Your movie would have had more excitement! You would have had Our President leap into action and grab a lead pipe and beat up bin Laden or Saddam or Fidel Castro, or at least break somebody’s windshield--quicker than you can say, “Evildoers!”

Who would play Laura Bush--Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry?

Anyway, I just want to say I know God was speaking to you when you made The Passion, but maybe He was exaggerating. Or maybe your hearing is bad. My hearing is terrible these days.

Do your homework! Go to Italy and study from the masters! There’s still time to edit your movie before it comes out in DVD.

Ciao,
Carl Estrada

P.S. Could you please send me a picture of yourself? Autographed? Make it out to my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite. He prays for you every night.

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