Wednesday, June 04, 2003
Representative Randy “Duke” Cunningham
2350 Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515-0551
Dear Representative Cunningham,
Congratulations! You passed the Flag Protection Amendment! You are a true American hero!
My only complaint is you didn't go far enough. I know politicians have to compromise, but I don't think Americans will rest until all flag-desecrators are designated as "Terrorists." I mean, what is terrorism if it's not an attack on the very foundation our country is built on: The Red, White, and Blue American Flag? If we declare flag desecrators terrorists, then we could arrest them secretly and have secret trials--we could really stick it to them!
You see where I'm going? I think, in these troubled times, it's not good enough to put away the flag-desecrators--we also have to broaden the definition of "flag-desecration." I mean, if someone neglects to wear an American flag on his lapel or have a bumper sticker on his car, isn't that very neglect a form of desecration?
If our President can always wear an American flag, why shouldn't we? (His is always a little bit crooked, but I guess we shouldn't arrest him for it--he's got a lot on his mind these days.)
I know there's always give and take in politics, and I guess that's why you couldn't get everything this time around. But please sir, stay with it! Don't rest until America is safe from "Flag Terrorists!"
One question: You know those American flag toothpicks? What do we do with those when we're done? Do we get in trouble for throwing them away? Actually, they should be against the law--you shouldn't pick your teeth with an American flag!
God Bless You, Representative Cunningham!
God Bless America!
God Bless Our Flag!
God Bless Our Troops! (Give them a raise!)
* * * * * * * * * * * *