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Thursday, July 01, 2004
July 2, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, D.C. 20500

Dear Mr. President,

Remember how Ronald Reagan turned from movie star to President of the United States? You did it the other way. First you were Our President, now you’re a movie star!

Last night, my wife asked me if I wanted to go to the movies. I told her I wanted to see Shrek 2, but she had another movie in mind. She said, “Let’s go see Fahrenheit 9-11.”

“Fahrenheit 9-11?!” I exclaimed. “Isn’t that the movie by Michael Moore, the unpatriotic liberal who hates America?”

“He’s not so bad,” Viola said. “All those Hollywood people are liberal. Besides, I hear the movie’s pretty good, and you’ll get to see lots of footage of Your President.”

Well, that was good enough for me. Two solid hours of You on the big screen was enough to make me turn off my TV and say, “Sorry Hannity, I’m off to see My President!”

You wouldn’t believe the line! It was stretched around the corner. I was afraid we wouldn’t get in. Fortunately, I was able to elbow my way in front of a couple of elderly ladies. One of them hit me with her handbag, but I hardly noticed because my adrenaline was pumping so much. Viola caught up to me and whispered, “I don’t know you.”

We had to sit near the back--the place was packed! When the movie started, everybody started cheering. It warmed my heart to see Americans coming out in such numbers to cheer Our President!

I thought You did pretty well for Your debut on the silver screen. I could tell You had beginner’s jitters because You flubbed some of your lines, but I guess that’s to be expected for the first time out. Did you ever see Elvis in his first movie--Love Me Tender? He was terrible! My favorite Elvis movie of all time was Viva Las Vegas. Did you see that one? He and Ann Margaret really scorched the screen! Also, Blue Hawaii. That was a good one. What’s Your favorite Elvis movie?

Anyway, your supporting cast did a good job too. I loved the scene where John Ashcroft sang a song about an eagle soaring. It brought a tear to my eye, and I noticed lots of other people crying, too. Did You know he wrote that song? That man has a talent! There’s a singer in my town--his name is Tony Fratado. He sings at a place called the Landmark Lounge, and guess what? Ashcroft is better than him! It’s true!

Anyway, the movie was entertaining and I learned a lot, too. I’ve always wondered how Paul Wofowitz gets his hair to go like that. Now I know--he sucks his comb first. Then he uses a little spit to hold it down while the make-up person puts on the finishing touches.

Also, I didn’t know You were in a TV cowboy show. It looked just like Bonanza, only it was called Afghanistan, and instead of Pa and Hoss and Little Joe, it was You and Cheney and Rumsfeld. It even had the same theme music. Maybe in Your next letter could You tell me what station it’s on or if I can get reruns on a DVD box set?

They showed some good clips of Haliburton contractors and what a great job they’re doing feeding our troops and rebuilding Iraq. They talked a lot about Your dad and how he’s got a good job at the Carlyle Group. And they talked a lot about the Saudis. They love You over there! The bin Laden family loves you, too. So what if Your dad was meeting with the bin Ladens when Saddam attacked us on 9-11 and you hustled them out of the country when all the planes were grounded? That’s what friends are for! If you can’t count on your friends when you’re in trouble, then what’s the meaning of friendship?

I have a question: What were You thinking about when You were sitting in that classroom for seven minutes after they told You the second tower got hit? You looked like that book you were trying to read had You stumped. Also, why did You go in the classroom after you heard the first tower had been hit? Maybe You thought it was the safest place to be because the terrorists wouldn’t attack You with all those innocent children there.

Anyway, I want to congratulate You on Your big movie debut. I think You have a future if You ever decide You don’t want to be president anymore. But next time, don’t work with Michael Moore. He didn’t do a good job of directing You. Like that last scene, when You said, “There's an old saying in Tennessee —I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again.” He should have let You try another take.

Support Our Troops! Pay them Haliburton Wages!
Carl Estrada

 

 
 
 
 
 


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