Anti Donald Trump political humor and political satire by Paul Chasman

Saturday, July 12, 2003
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

It’s so hard to know who your friends are these days, and when you’re president, you can’t trust anybody! Your only fault is you’re too nice of a guy. When George Tenet told you everything was ok in your State of the Union Speech, you trusted him. Mr. President, you’ve been betrayed!

I’m glad Tenet “fell on his sword,” but I don’t think it stops there. Tenet didn’t have any reason to trick you into lying to the American people. I think there’s a cancer on the presidency and you must cut it out to survive! Somebody set you up and we have to find out who it was as soon as possible!

Where there’s a crime, there’s a motive, and there are four people who have the motive and the means to bring you down. Please brace yourself because this is going to be hard to take. Here are the four suspects:

1) Dick Cheney. He’s been orchestrating the show from the beginning, and it could be that, all this time of being “a heartbeat away from the presidency” is just too tempting for him. He might be thinking that, being the brains behind the operation, if he could just bump you out of the way, then he could really run things the way he wants.

2) Condoleezza Rice. There have been rumors swirling that she wants to run for president. She has one major obstacle, and that’s your brother Jeb. He’s next in line. If she could discredit you, she could knock Jeb out of the way too.

3) Colin Powell. Notice he left the “uranium in Niger” reference out of his U.N. speech? How come he did that but allowed you to keep it in the State of the Union? He might be mad at you for always taking sides with Rumsfeld and then making him go out and defend a policy he thinks is bogus.

4) Tony Blair. He might have been mad from when Rumsfeld said we don’t need England. Or maybe he’s just a despicable warmonger who would tell you and his own citizens lies in order to justify going to war. Or maybe he was tired of being called your pet poodle. But as you said yourself: It was English intelligence that told you about the uranium.

All four of these suspects stood by and watched while you made that humiliating statement to the whole world. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced there was a conspiracy! This is more serious than I thought! Everybody who reviewed that speech is suspect and they may be working together! When you’re at cabinet meetings, do you ever catch people sneaking glances at each other, or rolling their eyes, or writing notes to each other, or anything suspicious?

Mr. President, you are swimming in shark-infested waters! Be very careful who you confide in. Can you talk to your dad? He didn’t review that speech, did he?

Sincerely,
Carl Estrada

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