Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Former First Lady Barbara Bush
10,000 Memorial Drive
Houston, Texas 77024
Dear Former First Lady,
I bet things have been pretty stormy at the Bush household lately. Now that your husband (George) has decided to give the George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service to Ted Kennedy, I hope you’ve been able to salvage some of the furniture.
Whose side are you on? I’ve heard that George W (your son) is more like you than like his dad. But a word of warning: All the child rearing experts say don’t let your son drive a wedge between you and your husband. Stand by your man!
I’ve been reading up on this issue, and I’ve tried to put together the pieces to recreate the incident. Maybe you could corroborate for me if I’m on the right track:
Senior: You’ve insulted all my friends!
junior (singing): Na-na-na-na-na! I’m the president and you’re not!
Senior: You’ve embroiled us in a quagmire!
junior (singing): You can’t stop me.
Senior: You have never learned the value of money!
junior: I’ve got mine, Jack!
Senior: That’s it! I’m going to the closet. I’m going to get...
junior: No, no! Not that!
Senior: Yes, george...It’s time you learned a...
junior: No Dad! Ple-e-e-ase!
Senior: I’m sorry, george. I tried to reason with you. I’m just going to have to pull out the George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service.
junior (whimpering): Oh no-o-o. Who are you going to give it to? Hillary?
Senior: No, I’m still mad at those damn Clintons.
junior (starting to sound relieved): Oprah?
junior (under his breath): Maybe this won’t be too bad. Who you going to give it to, huh, Dad, huh? Tony Blair?
Senior: Sit down, son. This hurts me more than it hurts you, but it’s for your own good. I’m giving the George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service to Ted Kennedy.
junior: Ted Kennedy?! AAAH-H-H-H-H-H!!!
Barbara: Poppy, aren’t you being a little hard on the boy?
Senior: Now Barb, it’s for his own good.
Barbara: But Poppy, Ted Kennedy? Couldn’t you give it to Barbra Streisand?
Senior: No, Barb. I’m putting my foot down. The boy has to learn a lesson.
junior (in the background): Daddy, ple-e-ease! I promise I won’t insult Kofi Annan anymore! I promise I won’t go flying around in a fighter pilot jump suit! I promise I won’t exaggerate the truth to start any more wars!
Senior: It’s too late, son. Read my lips: Ted Kennedy.
My sources tell me that’s exactly the way it happened. Am I right? The only part I’m not sure of is if you suggested Barbra Streisand or Robert Redford. Could you please clerify that point?
P.S. Could you please send a photo of yourself? Autographed? It’s for my grandson, Lester. You’re his favorite ex-first lady. He prays for you every night.