Tuesday, November 04, 2003
George Herbert Walker Bush
10,000 Memorial Drive
Houston, Texas 77024
Dear Mr. Ex-President George Herbert Walker Bush,
I was happy to hear that on November 7, the recipient of the 2003 George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service will be: (drum roll, please)
SENATOR EDWARD M. KENNEDY!!!
That was a stroke of parenting genius. As a father myself, I know better than to blame you when your son goes strutting around in an aviator suit and starting wars. I know you’ve tried talking sense into that boy, but he just won’t listen. It’s so hard to be a parent these days. Kids just go off and do whatever they want and don’t respect their parents the way they used to. I think they watch way too much tv. That and video games. Also, they eat too much junk food.
My kids don’t listen either. I wanted my son to take over my corner grocery store, but he’s managing the Wal Mart that’s trying to buy me out. My daughter started cranking out kids at sixteen, and she’s still cranking. My only hope is my grandson, Lester. I know you have grandkids. Love ‘em, Mr. ex-President! They’re the hope of the future. Forget your kids. They’re a lost cause.
Anyway, when Ted Kennedy called the war a “fraud” and accused your son of “distortion and misrepresentation,” I knew he was angling for the George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service. He’s an experienced politician! Why else would he say those things? That wily old senator knew you were looking to teach your son a lesson, and he positioned himself perfectly!
That’s ok. The art of politics requires mutual backscratching. He got his award, and you made your point. It’s a win-win situation. And next year, if your boy still won’t listen to you, give the award to Howard Dean!