Saturday, January 31, 2004
President George W. Bush
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Washington DC 20500
Dear Mr. President,
Gottcha dude! You’re catching a lot of flack for telling bogus stories about WMD, but I think you got it right--it was BAD INTELLIGENCE. You said it, not me, dude.
It reminds me of Mr. Erskine’s class in high school. I wrote a paper about how Abraham Lincoln chopped down his dad’s cherry tree and his pa was going to beat the bejesus out of him but “Honest Abe” got out of it when he exaggerated the truth. He told his old man the reason he chopped down the tree was cuz Alexander Hamilton told him it had a rare fungus that was threatening to infect all the other trees, and he had to cut it down to make them safe. When his pa couldn’t find any fungus on the tree, Lincoln said it was Hamilton’s fault cuz he told him there was a fungus.
You’ll never guess what happened--Mr. Erskine gave me an “F.” He said it didn’t happen that way and besides, didn’t I know it was George Washington who chopped down the cherry tree? He wrote, “Bad research.” I said, “Dude! I didn’t do any research! Leon Snider told me that story, so it’s his fault, not mine!” And you know what Mr. Erskine said? He said, “You get an F, DUDE.” Mr. Erskine was harsh. I bet he was a Democrat.
Speaking of Lincoln, how do you like that guy who looks like Lincoln. The dude windsurfs and rides a Harley and plays the guitar. No offense, but if he can play “Stairway to Heaven,” I might vote for him.